Of course I can get you a double-caffeine espresso. You … you can? Coffee King. You mean my usual café hasn't blacklisted me throughout the tri-county area like they said they did? You mean to tell me my cardiologist and my crabby wife haven't sent every cafe do not serve this man posters like they said they did? Well in that case, hurry up and give it to me before the old battleaxe finds a parking spot! Oh, don't worry. There's a convention next door. She'll be circling the block for hours. How do you like your gentle-flower chamomile tea? People who double-park should burn forever in the fiery pits of hell.
I'm thinking of running for Congress. Run for the House. It's a lot easier. If you run for the Senate, you have to appeal to a wide variety of people all over the state. All you have to do to get into the House is move to a county where everyone has the exact same values as you. Is there a county called "Kardashian" or "Playstation"? I'm still looking for a county called "hot-lovin'."