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Candorville

Comics about controls and controlling.

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-14 control 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-14 Pub. Date: 2019-06-14
Image Number: 178024
Caption: A book agent who follows my work has been asking to rep me for the last five years. And I keep saying no. I already publish my own books. That way, I have total control. Nobody can tell me what the book should be about. Nobody can give me some artificial deadline. Nobody can ... tell me what my book cover should look like. Nobody can reject your work. I've always felt really strongly about covers, Susan.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-18 control 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-18 Pub. Date: 2019-01-18
Image Number: 175844
Caption: I read your new article about Jazmine Barnes getting shot. What'd you think? I think you were right about gang violence and about fatherless homes and about uneducated, hopeless young men. But you were dead wrong about gun control, and about taxpayer-funded daycare and youth camps, and about pouring tax dollars into poor school districts. So ... you like pointing out problems, but you hate pointing out solutions. Is solutions the name of your Marxist unicorn?
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-14 control 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-14 Pub. Date: 2019-01-14
Image Number: 175840
Caption: What's wrong, Lemont? Jasmine barns, the little black girl who was killed in a shooting. When the police said the suspect was a white man, I was shaken. I was scared. I was afraid it was one more example of racism getting out of control in America. But when the police later said no, the real killer were black ... I felt ... I felt ... relief. That's normal, Lemont. Don't be too hard on yourself. How bad off are we when we can think Oh good, it's just normal gun violence.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-08 control 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-08 Pub. Date: 2018-10-08
Image Number: 174387
Caption: You know they're working on robots you can have nookie with? Aiight, bruh, that's it. C-Dog puttin' a stop to this train wreck right here. I don't put up with your Star Track, an' your Babylon 9, an' your Yoda voicemail greeting, but this spit just got outta control. I'ma go get Pookie an' Big Oatmeal an' the rest of the boys, an' we gonna have you an intervention. I didn't say I was going to buy one, or anything. Go home an' say goodbye to your Doctor Who toothbrush, bruh.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-27 control 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-27 Pub. Date: 2018-08-27
Image Number: 173788
Caption: Now that the airduct … or whatever it was … had led me back to 2018 … I was moments away from finally interviewing a toddler in one of Trump's internment camps. I could hear him, just around the corner. He was sobbing. He was hysterical. He was calling out for his mother. He was just around the corner ... But so were the armed guards. By the time I got the glue, the fake beard and the janitor disguise, the child's cries had stopped. Wait ... back up. I almost blew my cover when I lost control of the spinny-mop thing and it dragged me down the hall.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-01 control 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-01 Pub. Date: 2018-07-01
Image Number: 172353
Caption: I'm not happy. I think I married the wrong person. Dr. Noodle. But I can't leave. Leaving is too hard. I mean, we've got all the same friends. They'd hate me. And she's got complete control of the bank accounts. What would I do for money? But maybe I could just start all over. Who needs any of that stuff? There's a whole world out there. Maybe it's not too late to explore the world, wrestle and alligator, move to Jamaica, change my name, and meet the woman I was really meant to be with. Sometimes it actually is too late. Zzzzzzzz.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-05 control 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-05 Pub. Date: 2018-01-05
Image Number: 166783
Caption: What do thou mean, "Nah, bruh, I'ma hafta pass"? I have chosen thee to deliver my New Commandments! Who you is really, dawg? Landlord hired you, ain't he? He tryna run me outta here 'cause it's rent-controlled. I don't know anything about that, my child. I have chosen thee for reasons known only to Me. If thou reject your Lord, thou will pay a price. Tell Mr. Tran he'll get he'll get his $250 a month like always. That's no what I'm -- (sigh) oh never mind.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-20 control 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-20 Pub. Date: 2017-10-20
Image Number: 163906
Caption: We're not done mourning the last mass shooting, so it's inappropriate to talk about gun control. It's too soon. Seriously? We're averaging almost one mass shooting per day. When exactly will it be appropriate to talk about it? I believe there's and opening between 11:58pm and 11:58 and 22 seconds.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-09 control 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-09 Pub. Date: 2017-07-09
Image Number: 159502
Caption: It's hard to debunk the whole "fake news" thing when so-called "journalists" keep lying, or keep not correcting their "mistakes" take Joy-Ann Reid, for instance. Who she? She has a show on MSNBC. The other week, after that former Bernie-supporter shot at those congressmen ... somebody tweeted "too soon to mention Bernie owes his entire political career to the NRA? Particularly his support of assault rifles his R opponent decried?" "Journalist" Joy-Ann Reid retweeted that, adding "I hope we have the maturity as a country to confront facts like this at the same time we're thinking of victims and keeping level heads." But it wasn't a fact. Sanders opposed assault rifles. The NRA backed him in that one race to punish the Republican who'd just changed his position on assault rifles. A Vermont gun store owner said at the time, "At least [Bernie's] consistent" with his opposition to semi-automatic rifles. A simple Google search would've told her that, apparently Joy-Ann Reid doesn't even Joy-Ann read. This whole thing was so you could say that joke, wasn't it.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-04-03 control 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-04-03 Pub. Date: 2017-04-03
Image Number: 156465
Caption: So what if you can't get a mortgage to buy a house? If you really want to move to Canada, why not just rent? Because I've live in the same tiny $600 rent-controlled apartment my whole adult life, I've saved every month for decades, and I haven't bought a new computer since 2003. I've done all this so that one day I could afford to buy a house and have something to leave my son. Spending fifty billion dollars a month on rent might make that a little hard to do. You're exaggerating ... a little.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-10-23 control 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-10-23 Pub. Date: 2016-10-23
Image Number: 149364
Caption: It all started when I spanked my two-year-old son. He was out of control. He was hitting and kicking and spitting. I tried everything. I tried a timeout. I tried redirection. I tried bribery. But when he threw a clock at his baby sister's head, I realized I had to do something drastic. So I swatted him once on the behind. Very lightly. For the rest of the day, he pointed at me and said "You don't hit me. That's bad. You say you're sorry." And I couldn't even argue, because that's exactly what I always told him to tell someone if they hit him. Part of being a parent is becoming comfortable with being a hypocrite. Is two too young for military school?
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-07-17 control 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-07-17 Pub. Date: 2016-07-17
Image Number: 145280
Caption: Have you ever fallen madly in love with someone, Clyde? No such thing as that, bruh. What do you mean? Ain't no "falling." Love is a choice. You control it, Big L, the way you control a pit bull, or the IRS … or the weather. What you phone say the weather be right now, Big L? 106 degrees. The weather be what you want it to be, bruh. What kinda punk-!@$* let a phone tell him how to dress? Good talk, Clyde.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-07-04 control 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-07-04 Pub. Date: 2016-07-04
Image Number: 145502
Caption: I'm tired of liberals talking about that outspoken gun advocate who used her gun to shoot her own daughters. One little thing she did wrong doesn't change the fact that she was right when she used to say she needed guns to protect her family … Are you serious? And I'm tired of libs trying to create some "pattern" from the 30,000 isolated incidents that happen every year.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-06-28 control 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-06-28 Pub. Date: 2016-06-28
Image Number: 145229
Caption: You've reached Senator Marionette's office. To ask a question, press or say "one" now. "One." If your question is "where do I send a campaign donation," press or say "one" now. If your question is about why I block all attempts at gun control even after enormous massacres, please hang up now. Not falling for it.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-06-27 control 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-06-27 Pub. Date: 2016-06-27
Image Number: 145228
Caption: I tried to mourn after the Orlando massacre. I really tried. I sat down in front of my tv and waited for the usual grief to come. But all that came was anger. Intense, burning anger … because it felt like a ritual: mass shooting … grief … most of us demand gun control ... Congress does nothing ... we move on ... repeat. That's yo' problem, Big L: You keep expectin' Gilligan to leave that island. Can you ever give me non-Gilligan-related advice?
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-03-06 control 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-03-06 Pub. Date: 2016-03-06
Image Number: 139630
Caption: Hi Elmer, election day is almost here! You may remember that we helped you register to vote at a student even at University of Texas at Austin. "Elmer"? This election is the most important election someone in your community has ever faced. Now is your chance to take control for all Antarctic-Americans and really weigh in on the issues you indicated matter most to you ... such as "climate change," "wool sweater importation tariffs," and "penguin-albatross miscegenation." Can we count on you to vote, Mr. Fudd? Bruh, I ain't never been to University of Texas in Austin. Somebody done clowned you with the wrong number. But we gave you a free frisbee. An' what the @#$% I care about "penguin-albatross miscegenation"? Love is love.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-02-14 control 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-02-14 Pub. Date: 2016-02-14
Image Number: 138656
Caption: I put spyware on my son's computer. Last night, I saw what he's been looking at. Now I feel so guilty. He was watching dozens of Youtube videos detailing the theory that Jar Jar Binks was actually the most powerful evil Jedi in all of "Star Wars." I watched them all. They showed clips from the prequels where Jar Jar was clearly using the Jedi mind trick to manipulate everyone around him. Isaac Asimov was a huge "Star Wars" inspiration. These videos pointed out how Binks is eerily similar to a deceptively buffoonish character named "The Mule" in Asimov's "Foundation" series. It's undeniable. Jar Jar was the real "Phantom Menace," and Lucas must've abandoned that whole idea when we all jumped down his throat about the character. So ... you feel guilty for spying on your child since he wasn't doing anything wrong? I feel guilty for giving George Lucas such a hard time about Phantom Menace. The man was a genius.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-12-25 control 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-12-25 Pub. Date: 2015-12-25
Image Number: 136832
Caption: I was having a great Christmas until I turned on the "Ask Sadie Radio Hour." What happened? She went 4.3 minutes before she even mentioned Christmas. The nerve! This war on Christmas is getting totally out of control. So I called in and I told her off. I said she and the rest of the godless, Christmas-hating media should stick their disrespect where the sun don't shine. I said "What part of 'peace on earth, good will toward man' don't you understand, you @#$%&!"? Wait, isn't the "Ask Sadie" show's intro about 4 minutes long?
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-12-01 control 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-12-01 Pub. Date: 2015-12-01
Image Number: 135924
Caption: Hey, Clyde, did you hear? Donald Trump's supporters beat and kicked a "Black Lives Matter" activist, and Trump condoned it. It's not quite "Brownshirt" level stuff yet, but it's certainly unamerican. Whachoo talking' bout, Big L? Civil war … Jim Crow … Mexican-American War ... Indians ... out-of-control cops ... gangs ... domesticated violence ... Beatin' down people you ain't like is as American as it get, bruh. I'm talking about Constitution-America, not America-America.
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-11-27 control 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-11-27 Pub. Date: 2015-11-27
Image Number: 135626
Caption: You know they're working on robots you can have nookie with? Aiight, bruh, that's it. C-Dog puttin' a stop to this train wreck right here. I done put up with your Star Track, an' your Babylon 9, an' your Yoda voicemail greeting, but this spit just got outta control. I'ma go get "Pookie" an' "Big Oatmeal" an' the rest of the boys, an' we gonna have a intervention. I didn't say I was going to buy one, or anything. Go home an' say goodbye to your Doctor Who toothbrush, bruh. Katrina's Ghost.
     
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