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Candorville

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Result page:    2  Next  (38 images)


1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-02 complete 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-02 Pub. Date: 2019-06-02
Image Number: 177793
Caption: I've noticed a 25.9% uptick in impeachment talk among the patrons. I hadn't noticed. I've also noticed your complete and utter failure to depict those talking about it as sore losers … As delusional, evil, insane cretins having temper tantrums. So what if my disgraced former lawyer says he bribed the city council on my behalf to forbid any cafes but mine within city limits? What about the phenomenal job growth I've caused? I now employ you, a Roomba and, allegedly, nine out of ten city council members. Now get out there and pit our patrons against one another by declaring this witch hunt to be an illegal coup. And remind them you can't impeach a cafe owner for creating a great underground economy. Very bad man.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-01 complete 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-01 Pub. Date: 2018-07-01
Image Number: 172353
Caption: I'm not happy. I think I married the wrong person. Dr. Noodle. But I can't leave. Leaving is too hard. I mean, we've got all the same friends. They'd hate me. And she's got complete control of the bank accounts. What would I do for money? But maybe I could just start all over. Who needs any of that stuff? There's a whole world out there. Maybe it's not too late to explore the world, wrestle and alligator, move to Jamaica, change my name, and meet the woman I was really meant to be with. Sometimes it actually is too late. Zzzzzzzz.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-28 complete 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-28 Pub. Date: 2018-06-28
Image Number: 172490
Caption: Yes, I do think you're too old to join the military, Lemont. Complete nonsense, Susan. I feel like I'm still 19. I'm still adventurous, I'm still agile, I'm still strong, I've still got lightning-fast reflexes … in theory … (Sigh) Trump and his stupid Space Force. I just worry I'll write down moon but end up stationed in San Diego anyway.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-18 complete 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-18 Pub. Date: 2018-04-18
Image Number: 170576
Caption: I demand the right to fire Dick Fink, sir. He's incompetent, he's a snake, and I'm pretty sure he's the one who put that family of skunks in my desk. I'm still not sure I buy the skunks, Garcia … which reminds me, did you ever complete that course on personal hygiene? Don't change the subject. Dick Fink wants my job, sir. He's been trying to ruin me ... for year. I'm not imagining this. I know ... I sound paranoid. But that's all part of his secret plan. Take the rest of the day off, Garcia. 2002.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-19 complete 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-19 Pub. Date: 2017-07-19
Image Number: 160503
Caption: So … what do your lovers call you? Lover. He calls me "Vancouver." I call him "Candorville." He's so cute. And so hot. He's sensitive, and confident, and charming. And vulnerable, like a wounded condor. No man's ever gotten me like he does. Oh, gosh. Look at me. I've been talking about Lemont all night. Check? Susan? It's Lemont. Oh, fine. You? ... Oh, that's good. Listen, I just accused Vancouver of cheating on me, and confronted her with the video you sent me. Didn't you say you watched the video? ... No? ... Oh. ... You sure? ... Oh. ... Yes, of course I watched it first. I'm not a complete idiot.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-05 complete 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-05 Pub. Date: 2017-07-05
Image Number: 159981
Caption: Lemont interviews California Assembly Speaker Anthony Rendon (D). You single-handedly blocked SB-562, the popular single-payer bill that had already passed the state Senate. That's right. It lacked specifics. I refused to allow the assembly to consider it because it was woefully incomplete. Well ... why didn't you just complete it? Isn't completing it something the assembly can do, Mr. Assembly Speaker? Bsssht ... Bsssht... You're breaking up ...
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-01-18 complete 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-01-18 Pub. Date: 2017-01-18
Image Number: 153406
Caption: Vancouver was nervous, just like me. There we stood, two people who'd Facebooked every day for a year … who earn a living telling stories to millions … yet neither of us could string together a complete sentence. She drew me into her home in absolute silence ... Almost. I could hear out soft footsteps on her carpet. I could hear my own heart beating. I could hear my phone ring. I could hear her say "You gonna get that?" I could hear myself say "It's just a telemarketer." Dios mio.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-01 complete 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-01 Pub. Date: 2016-08-01
Image Number: 146688
Caption: Hi! I'm a complete stranger! You obviously came up here to enjoy the view in solitude. But I'm gonna stand right next to you as if I've never even heard of the concept of "personal space." I'm gonna avoid eye contact in hopes you'll go away. Good thing I can't pick up on body language.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-03-09 complete 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-03-09 Pub. Date: 2016-03-09
Image Number: 140180
Caption: I demand the right to fire Dick Fink, sir. He's incompetent, he's a snake, and I'm pretty sure he's the one who put that family of skunks in my desk. I'm still not sure I buy the skunks, Garcia … which reminds me, did you ever complete that course on personal hygiene? Don't change the subject. Dick Fink wants my job, sir. He's been trying to ruin me ... for years. I'm not imagining this. I know ... I sound paranoid. But that's all part of his secret plan. Take the rest of the day off, Garcia.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-10-27 complete 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-10-27 Pub. Date: 2015-10-27
Image Number: 134383
Caption: I tried to buy tickets to "Star Wars" online as soon as they were available, but they were already sold out. I grew up playing video games. I had the first Atari. The first Playstation. I had the fastest thumb on the block. But if "Star Wars" sold out before I could complete my order and hit "purchase," that means I'm ... I'm ... A geek? It means I'm getting old! My thumb is past its prime.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-07-18 complete 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-07-18 Pub. Date: 2015-07-18
Image Number: 129549
Caption: Guess what happened on my date the other day, Lemont. You had a date? I'm so happy for you. Soon you'll have a second date, and a third, and then it'll be a full-blown relationship, complete with hand-holding, imagining what your kids will look like, and awful fights. Then you'll get tired of him and concoct a reason to discard him like a used Kleenex. I'm sorry to hear about your breakup. Some people can know you too well.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-04-26 complete 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-04-26 Pub. Date: 2015-04-26
Image Number: 125568
Caption: Anyone who thinks we ever really went to the moon is a complete idiot. Youtube has tons of videos on this. Humans couldn't possibly have survived a trip through the Van Allen Radiation Belt. That's proof it was all a conspiracy. Not true. According to Dr. Van Allen himself, the notion that radiation should've killed those astronauts is "nonsense." Well how come we can't see the astronauts' footprints? That's proof it was all a conspiracy. Not true. Other countries have snapped pictures of the landing sites, and just a few years ago the lunar reconnaissance orbiter took photos of the footprints. There were no stars in the old films. That's proof it was all a conspiracy. The exposure settings were calibrated to get good shots of the extremely bright lunar surface. They couldn't do that and capture the relatively dim stars at the same time. You moon-landing-ists have an answer for everything. That's proof it was all a conspiracy. Thousands of people could never keep a secret that big for 46 years! That's what they want you to think.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-01-06 complete 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-01-06 Pub. Date: 2015-01-06
Image Number: 121077
Caption: I have to admit something, Susan. You love me? You want us to be more than friends? I actually like "Star Trek: Enterprise" now. I think I used to hate it because it wasn't what I wanted it to be, but after a decade, I've rewatched it on Netflix, and to my complete surprise ... I've really come to enjoy it for what it is. That's very important to do. Yeah. Yeah, it is.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-06-20 complete 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-06-20 Pub. Date: 2014-06-20
Image Number: 112733
Caption: Ever thought of getting a dog? Good idea. I've always wished I had a furry thing trying to steal my food. And you know what my brand new couch needs? Something that'll pee on it. You know what'd really make my day complete? Wandering the streets twice a day looking at a butt at the end of a rope. (This cartoon was originally published on 5/11/2012).
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-12-13 complete 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-12-13 Pub. Date: 2013-12-13
Image Number: 104851
Caption: You ever think about how you runnin' outta time, Big L? You ever worry you'll die before you get to accomplish e'rething you set out to do? You ever stay awake at night 'cause you hopin' somehow you'll do somethin' … ANYTHING … to keep that day from havin' been a complete an' total waste? No. Me neither.
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-07-27 complete 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-07-27 Pub. Date: 2013-07-27
Image Number: 99564
Caption: Guess what happened on my date the other day, Lemont. You had a date? I'm so happy for you. Soon you'll have a second date, a third, and then it'll be a full-blown relationship, complete with hand-holding, imagining what your kids will look like, and awful fights. Then you'll get tired of him and concoct a reason to discard him like used Kleenex. I'm sorry to hear about your breakup. Some people can know you too well.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-06-17 complete 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-06-17 Pub. Date: 2013-06-17
Image Number: 98183
Caption: Hi! I'm a complete stranger! You obviously came up here to enjoy the view in solitude. But I'm gonna stand right here next to you as if I've never even heard of the concept of "personal space." I'm gonna avoid eye contact in hopes you'll go away. Good thing I can't pick up on body language.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-02-22 complete 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-02-22 Pub. Date: 2013-02-22
Image Number: 93619
Caption: Twitter. Twitter.com/candorville. @candorville - I read your tweet about wanting to live a more PRIVATE life. Twitter. Twitter.com/candorville. @candorville - I have some age-old wisdom about that passed down from my dear departed GRANDMA. Twitter. Twitter.com/candorville. @candorville - Buy a PRIVATE time share in Boca Raton. Visit tinyurl.com/bxn8Lm6 for details. What's the world coming to when you can't trust complete strangers with your private thoughts? Twitter. @candorville - I loved my GRANDMA so much.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-01-13 complete 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-01-13 Pub. Date: 2013-01-13
Image Number: 91704
Caption: Why do all my relationships end in disaster? Is it me? Or is it bad luck? I refuse to answer on the grounds you may hold it against me. Don’t be silly, Lemont. You're my friend. I want your complete honesty. Well … Ok … If you're sure. The problem, Susan, is you. You're the common denominator. You seem to have it all together bit deep down you're a self-destructive, insecure mess and that's why you're attracted to complete jerks. You want guys who'll treat you as bad as you think you deserve to be treated. I KNEW IT!! See? I don't like being treated badly.
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-08-14 complete 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-08-14 Pub. Date: 2012-08-14
Image Number: 86018
Caption: Date-A-Chick.com. Please complete your profile. Date-A-Chick.com. 1. Profile picture from when you were better-looking. Submit. Date-A-Chick.com. 2. Witty bio you stole from someone else. Skip. Date-A-Chick.com. 3. Height, in your tallest shoes, on your tip-toes. 5'11".
     
Result page:    2  Next  (38 images)