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Christmas cards, Christmas carols, Christmas decorations, Christmas gifts, Christmas lists, Christmas marketing, Christmas music, christmas parties, Christmas presents, Christmas shopping, christmas songs, Christmas trees, Father Christmas, war on Christmas. View all subjects for Candorville.
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21. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2014-12-27 |
Pub. Date: |
2014-12-27 |
| Image Number: |
120260 |
| Caption: |
Thanta. What? Thanta Cloth. Son, I'm getting you speech therapy. But I don't want thpeeth thewapy, I want a pwaythtathion and a yewwow wemote contwowed caw. New rule, son: You can only have something if you can pronounce it correctly. "Cowectwy" is in the eaw of the behowder. |
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22. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2014-12-21 |
Pub. Date: |
2014-12-21 |
| Image Number: |
119939 |
| Caption: |
When other people get attention, I'm not jealous, I'm happy for them. That's just the kinda guy I am. Like when my little brother, Halloween, has his day, I'm always the first to say 'good for you.' Everyone gets a turn to shine. I always get the whole month of November to myself, after all ... at least till Black Friday officially puts the spotlight on my big brother, Christmas. But this year, Chris sent out 'Black Friday' ads the day after Halloween! People just skipped right over me! The middle child usually has it rough. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for that overrated @*$%. |
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23. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2014-12-05 |
Pub. Date: |
2014-12-05 |
| Image Number: |
119645 |
| Caption: |
I'm not buying any gifts this Christmas, Clyde. Say what? Buying someone a gift used to mean something. You used to have to go to the store and think about what they'd like. Now that you can just click a button on their Amazon Wish List, you don’t have to put any thought at all into it. It used to be the THOUGHT that counted. Now it's the THOUGHTLESS that counts. You broke, ain't you. |
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24. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2014-12-04 |
Pub. Date: |
2014-12-04 |
| Image Number: |
119644 |
| Caption: |
What should I get your two-year-old for Christmas, Big L? Lionel would love a bronze replica of the starship Defiant, from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. You a bad father, Big L. I said what's he want? That IS what he wants! … Also an adult sized Captain Sisko uniform he can grow into. BAD father. |
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25. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2014-01-17 |
Pub. Date: |
2014-01-17 |
| Image Number: |
106175 |
| Caption: |
Be careful what you wish for, Rosencrantz. For Christmas, I wished you and I had a "blanket." |
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26. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2013-12-26 |
Pub. Date: |
2013-12-26 |
| Image Number: |
105430 |
| Caption: |
Thank you again for your Christmas gift, Rosencrantz. Do you truly like it, Tyrone? You gave me a single tattered sock, which smells of sardine. I can't help but notice one of YOUR socks is missing. "Share the wealth" is my motto. It's the sweetest-smelling foul smell I've ever smelled, my friend. |
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27. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2013-12-25 |
Pub. Date: |
2013-12-25 |
| Image Number: |
105429 |
| Caption: |
So there I was, standing next to a kettle ringing a bell, when this lady said to her friend, "That is DEFINITELY NOT Santa Claus." Rosencrantz, it's the height of ignorance to imply that Santa Claus has to be a white man. Maybe she was implying that Santa Claus has to be wearing pants. I only had enough change for half the costume. WRONG HALF!!! |
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28. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2013-12-24 |
Pub. Date: |
2013-12-24 |
| Image Number: |
105428 |
| Caption: |
Do you know any Christmas carols, Rosencrantz? Of course, Tyrone. (Ahem) … The fiirst noel, the ANGELS did say … No … I said "Christmas carols." You know, like "I don’t want to grow up, I'm a Toys-R-Us kid .. " Cynic. |
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29. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2013-12-23 |
Pub. Date: |
2013-12-23 |
| Image Number: |
105427 |
| Caption: |
Merry Christmas, Tyrone. How dare you! Everyone knows Jesus wasn't born in December. Everyone knows the roman pagans celebrated SATURNALIA every December 17-23, and "Christmas" was the church's attempt to win those pagans over to Christianity by promising them they could still PARTY every December. You, sir, are engaged in a WAR ON SATURNALIA! I want to get a Christmas tree. That's just a ripoff of the SATURNALIA HEAD-ON-A-PIKE! |
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30. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2013-11-05 |
Pub. Date: |
2013-11-05 |
| Image Number: |
103506 |
| Caption: |
twitter. @TheRealMissPiggy. MISS PIGGY: Ugh … I'll just say that anyone who posts racy photos of themselves online is a no-talent attention-smurf. Twitter @TheRealSmurfette. SMURFETTE: Christmas musta come early cuz Smurfette's 'bout to tear into some ham, ya'll. This is getting good, grampa. Don't make grampa have to turn off the internet. |
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31. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2012-12-30 |
Pub. Date: |
2012-12-30 |
| Image Number: |
91193 |
| Caption: |
Mmblello? Your kid has already forgotten about the Christmas gift you're still paying off. Zzzxbox2! But that's not really why I'm calling. Whozit? You ate WAY too much over the holidays. You think months of wearing winter clothes will hide the excess lard till you lose weight. Juz bigbonzz. But climate change may make this winter warmer than you expect. Don't be surprised if you have to wear t-shirts in January. Zzfatzzz. Today's wake up call is sponsored by Dr. Biggums Liposuction. |
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32. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2012-12-28 |
Pub. Date: |
2012-12-28 |
| Image Number: |
91456 |
| Caption: |
Merry Christmas, Clyde. That was days ago. Whachoo doin'? Thug 4 Life. People say "Merry Christmas" for days before Christmas. Why not say it afterward too? "After" is just as far away from Christmas as "Before." What makes "before" so special? As points in time go, "before" is a spoiled brat. I picked the wrong year to take up "listening." Thug 4 Life. |
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33. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2012-12-25 |
Pub. Date: |
2012-12-25 |
| Image Number: |
91453 |
| Caption: |
UPS, this is Ryan. How may I hinder you today? My name's Lemont Brown. I ordered an Xbox for my kid for Christmas and it never arrived. Our records show it did, sir. It was signed for my a Mister Aygot Yostuff. What's the point of signing for stuff when you guys don't care who signs for it? Anything else I can help you with, Mister Yostuff? |
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34. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2012-12-24 |
Pub. Date: |
2012-12-24 |
| Image Number: |
91452 |
| Caption: |
Hi, momma, did you get the Christmas card I sent you? No, I sent it through email. No … On the computer. You just click on the link. No … … You just plug it into the wall. Sometimes I think old people are just pulling my leg. |
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35. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2012-12-23 |
Pub. Date: |
2012-12-23 |
| Image Number: |
90872 |
| Caption: |
I didn’t get anyone a Christmas gift 'case Fox News told me Obama already gave everyone gifts. Dr. Noodle. But it turns out that wasn't really true. I see. So now I have like one day to get gifts. But I gave the elves Christmas off. I can’t rescind that or I'll be in big trouble with the union. My only hope is Wal-Mart, or Best Buy. But I don't have the time to stand in line with all the procrastinators buying last-minute gifts. Besides, I'd hate to be THAT GUY ... Y'know, that guy who holds up the line 'cause he's got 7 billion gifts to buy. I hate THAT guy. |
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36. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2012-12-09 |
Pub. Date: |
2012-12-09 |
| Image Number: |
90457 |
| Caption: |
When other people get attention, I'm not jealous, I'm happy for them. That's just the kinda guy I am. Dr. Noodle. Like when my little brother, Halloween, has his day, I'm always the first to say "Good for you." Everyone gets a turn to shine. I always get the whole month of November to myself, after all ... ... At least till Black Friday officially puts the spotlight on my big brother, Christmas. But this year, Chris sent out "Black Friday" ads the day after Halloween! People just skipped right over me! The middle child usually has it rough. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for that overrated @#$%. |
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37. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2011-12-27 |
Pub. Date: |
2011-12-27 |
| Image Number: |
74740 |
| Caption: |
I thought you was gonna thank me cuz I pretended I was Santa for your kid. Santa's bag is supposed to be smaller when he leaves the house, not bigger. You welcome. Thug 4 life. |
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38. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2011-12-24 |
Pub. Date: |
2011-12-24 |
| Image Number: |
74338 |
| Caption: |
Where did the kwithmath twee come fwum? Well that's an interesting story. It all started in A.D. 324 with Roman Emperor Justinian. Christian Romans worshiped Jesus, but pagan Romans worshiped the sun. Emperors Hadrian and Aurelian filled Rome with spectacular sun temples. There were annual festivals - incorporating a tree - celebrating the birth of the sun, which was said to be on December 25th. When Christianity supplanted paganism in Justinian's day ... ... it co-opted the pagan date of December 25, and the pagan use of the tree. Huh? The Christmas tree came from the forest. Oh. |
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39. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2011-12-23 |
Pub. Date: |
2011-12-23 |
| Image Number: |
74337 |
| Caption: |
Susan, do you want to spend Christmas with Lionel and me? I wish I could, bit I'm invited to the Christmas party at McMahon, Tate, Stephens & Evans. They're the ad firm that's trying to take over Fitzhugh & Fitzhugh. You're going to smooth things over? I'm going to spike their eggnog so they'll divulge secrets I can use to thwart the takeover, thereby proving to old man Fitzhugh that I deserve to be made partner. That's the Christmas spirit. Wish me good hunting. |
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40. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2011-12-22 |
Pub. Date: |
2011-12-22 |
| Image Number: |
74336 |
| Caption: |
Be honest, Lemont … Why aren't you getting a tree of gifts or dressing up like Santa for your little boy? Christmas shouldn’t be about material things. 'Cause I lost my job and can't afford it. Lemont, can I get Lionel a tree? I mean, I haven't had time to get him a gift, so it'd really help me out. Let me help you. No, thanks. Yes, please! |
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