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Candorville

Comics about cases and casing.

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41. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-05-30 case 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-05-30 Pub. Date: 2013-05-30
Image Number: 97402
Caption: The guys watch "The Maury Show." I ain't the daddy! Yes you is the daddy! Yes you is the daddy! Yes you is the daddy! No I ain't the daddy! No I ain't the daddy! No I ain't the daddy! Hold on … Let's find out. We have the results of the paternity test. You in trouble now! Brian, in the case of Linda's baby, Little Brian Jr, you are. BEEEEEEP! This is the Emergency Broadcast System. We interrupt this program to say "Are you really watching this #$%?"
     
42. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-05-12 case 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-05-12 Pub. Date: 2013-05-12
Image Number: 96331
Caption: You gonna see Star Trek Into Darkness. @#$% no, fool. Thug 4 Life. For Roscoe. Why not? The title too long. I don’t like a long-title movie. E'rething worth watchin' has a two-word title or less. "Star Wars," good. "The Phantom Menace," boring. "The Matrix," good. "The Matrix Revolutions," boring as #$*%. Rocky, Fargo, Jaws, Psycho, Friday, Gladiator, Scarface ... Thug 4 Life. For Roscoe. Terms of Endearment ... The Unbearable Lightness of Being ... The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants ... Thug 4 Life. For Roscoe. I rest my case. You would be the worst lawyer in the whole world. Insults with more than nine words is too long.
     
43. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-12-23 case 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-12-23 Pub. Date: 2012-12-23
Image Number: 90872
Caption: I didn’t get anyone a Christmas gift 'case Fox News told me Obama already gave everyone gifts. Dr. Noodle. But it turns out that wasn't really true. I see. So now I have like one day to get gifts. But I gave the elves Christmas off. I can’t rescind that or I'll be in big trouble with the union. My only hope is Wal-Mart, or Best Buy. But I don't have the time to stand in line with all the procrastinators buying last-minute gifts. Besides, I'd hate to be THAT GUY ... Y'know, that guy who holds up the line 'cause he's got 7 billion gifts to buy. I hate THAT guy.
     
44. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-11-20 case 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-11-20 Pub. Date: 2012-11-20
Image Number: 90132
Caption: What do you mean "Where were you last night"? I was right here. No you weren't. Surely you're familiar with the observer effect, one of the basic premises of quantum theory. Until you are observed, you exist in a state of flux. Neither here nor there, neither dead nor alive. When I fell asleep, you - as we know you - ceased to exist. In that case, if you find that someone stole your nickel last night, I have an airtight alibi.
     
45. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-10-02 case 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-10-02 Pub. Date: 2012-10-02
Image Number: 88011
Caption: 2000. Bush's Florida campaign chairwoman wrongly purged thousands of blacks from the voter rolls. You need more proof than that to say Republicans stole the election. Bush Wins. 2004. Electronic voting machines kept registering "Kerry" votes as "Bush" votes. You need more proof that that to say Republicans stole the election. 2012. A study shows there've only been ten cases of in-person voter fraud since 2000. PROOF DEMOCRATS ARE STEALING ELECTIONS!!!
     
46. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-09-04 case 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-09-04 Pub. Date: 2012-09-04
Image Number: 87120
Caption: You did what? Took Lionel to his first town hall meeting. He's only two, but it's never too early to teach him he's a member of society and everyone values his opinions. He asked if the President would consider replacing the "bald eagle" as the national mascot. People with kids ... He made a great, 18-minute long case for "Big Bird."
     
47. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-08-12 case 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-08-12 Pub. Date: 2012-08-12
Image Number: 84692
Caption: Case #17700503-F Lionel Brown. Compiled by Federal Agent Eugene O. Murphy. 2:17 am - Refuses to stop bouncing even after father warns him this will do down on his permanent record. Almost potty trained. Muppet.
     
48. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-03-14 case 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-03-14 Pub. Date: 2012-03-14
Image Number: 77314
Caption: I wanna apple. Eat your banana. I don’t wanna banana. But you said you did, just ten minutes ago. Do you have any idea how lawge a pewcentage of my life ten minuth ith? Ith like a yeaw in gwown-up time. In that case, if you don’t eat your banana, you won't get any food at all for six years.
     
49. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-02-19 case 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-02-19 Pub. Date: 2012-02-19
Image Number: 76093
Caption: Case #17700503-E: Clyde "C-Dog" Dogg. Compiled by Federal Agent Eugene O. Murphy. 2:17 - Called "Big L" w/ paranoid theory about gv't spying being "worse than ever." Thug 4 Life. Watched "Gilligan's Island".
     
50. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-01-12 case 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-01-12 Pub. Date: 2012-01-12
Image Number: 75071
Caption: What do you mean I'm ineligible for unemployment insurance? You're not eligible if you quit your job without good cause. You don't think choosing to go get my son instead of going on an overseas assignment for a month was a good cause? If you want to plead your case, we can schedule an ignoring. You mean a "hearing"? What did I say?
     
51. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-10-28 case 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-10-28 Pub. Date: 2011-10-28
Image Number: 67158
Caption: Judge Dubois delivers her decision. Custody cases are rarely this cut and dry. On one hand, we have a father who's suffered from psychotic delusions, has no money, and spends time with unsavory characters … And on the other hand, we have a mother who happens to be my daughter ... We're dead. Whom I personally know to be crazy-making, lying, manipulative, free-loading, and is, herself, the epitome of an unsavory character.
     
52. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-09-05 case 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-09-05 Pub. Date: 2011-09-05
Image Number: 65245
Caption: Tap tap tap. Sasha? Closing arguments in my custody case are tomorrow. I'm nervous. Can't sleep. Are you up? I'm up, LB. It's 3 a.m. Why're you up so late? Can't you sleep? Um ... It's a long story. Don't want it getting around. You can tell me, Sasha. We live hundreds of miles apart, who am I going to tell? Have you HEARD of the internet? Oops. I think I hit "reply all."
     
53. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-08-12 case 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-08-12 Pub. Date: 2011-08-12
Image Number: 64170
Caption: Mr. Brown, is there anything you'd like to say? Just that I believe a boy needs his father ... to teach him to shave, to play football, to respect women, to be kind, loyal and honest, to be relentless in pursuit of his goals and above all, to never, ever be wishy-washy. Um .. not that a woman can't teach that stuff too. Or, er, um ... what I meant ... We rest our case!
     
54. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-08-02 case 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-08-02 Pub. Date: 2011-08-02
Image Number: 63972
Caption: Where were you last night when I testified in my custody case? A little support from my "best friend" would've been cool. I came! But I couldn't find the right courtroom! The 13th floor! I even wrote you the room number! Not a single person who'd RSVP'd showed up. The metal detector guy said there is no room 666. It's not my fault you don't check your evites for typos. I'd made enough clam dip for 30 people.
     
55. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-07-19 case 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-07-19 Pub. Date: 2011-07-19
Image Number: 63527
Caption: My lawyer says I have to testify, because Benny Russell's testimony devastated my case. What did Mr. Russell say? I … I don't want to talk about it. What? Why not? Tell me! You don't want to know. Now I really have to know! Tell me! It's much too horrible to tlak about. Ok. Hey ... you're supposed to ask four times! It's the rule!
     
56. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-05-17 case 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-05-17 Pub. Date: 2011-05-17
Image Number: 60997
Caption: How your custody battle goin', Big L? Terrible. Roxanne's pretending she's never even heard of me. Uh oh … that's THE BIG LIE. Ain't nary a defense against the BIG LIE. It's easier to believe it than to accept that someone low 'nuff to make up a lie that blatant. You'd have a better chance if she'd said something that was sorta true ... Y'know ... like if she said you was poor, inadequate, slovenly, sorta fat, ne -- I GET IT.
     
57. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-05-06 case 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-05-06 Pub. Date: 2011-05-06
Image Number: 60511
Caption: Don't worry, Lemont. I'm prepared for whatever your evil ex's lawyer says. The can call you neglectful, say you're abusive, a terrorist, poor, inadequate and slovenly. And a little fat around -- I GET IT! But I'm prepared for anything! I've got rebuttals! I've got expert testimony! I've got -- Your honor, Ms. Dubois has never even heard of this man before. ... I've got poopy pants. Me too.
     
58. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-05-05 case 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-05-05 Pub. Date: 2011-05-05
Image Number: 60510
Caption: Does the petitioner have anything to add, before I hear from opposing counsel? No, your honor, I think we can safely say "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED." What's wrong? That phrase … It's … oh, never mind. I guess it's before your time. Carry on. I say to opposing counsel ... No! Don't say "br.. BRING IT ON!!!
     
59. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-05-04 case 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-05-04 Pub. Date: 2011-05-04
Image Number: 60509
Caption: Your honor, I'd like to call character witnesses that'll attest to Lemont Brown's fitness as a parent. Later, counsel, first the court wishes to hear opening statements from my daughter's -- I mean, from the RESPONDENT'S lawyer. That's good, 'cause I couldn't find anybody who liked you enough to actually show up. ... Oh, did I say that out loud? Yes.
     
60. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-05-02 case 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-05-02 Pub. Date: 2011-05-02
Image Number: 60507
Caption: "So glad you could join us, Mr. Brown" was a sarcastic reference to the fact that I sent you to retrieve your lawyer last night, and you never returned. Have you anything to say for yourself, Mr. Brown? Please don't tell anyone Mommy leaves me home alone while she works. The would take me away from her. I ... got lost, your honor. The court is not in the habit of awarding custody to the directionally challenged.
     
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