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Candorville

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101. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-10-06 candidate 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-10-06 Pub. Date: 2008-10-06
Image Number: 27219
Caption: Anderson Cooper's Battle Journal Day II: Saigon, Spit. I'm still only in Saigon. Covering the rescue of John McCain's long-lost honor from a jungle prison for CNN. Been here for a week now, waiting for Delta Force. I'm getting SOFT. Riiiight… Listen, I'll be in Starbucks. Jungle calls to me. Somewhere a story is bleeding. I'll get you a frappuccino.
     
102. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-10-05 candidate 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-10-05 Pub. Date: 2008-10-05
Image Number: 27187
Caption: I'm Elmer Humbug, from the heartland. I just can't vote fer that Obama. He wants me to inflate m'tires. An' also, he eats arugula. Any salad green with more'n two syllables is uppity. Four syllables, an' its patriotism is suspect. Anyways, what line o' work you in, city dude? I'm a blogger, and you? Farmer. Salt o' the earth, I tell you. Raise crops like lettuce, squash, arugula, spring wheat, radishes... Wait. go back? Spring wheat. Further back. I'm Elmer- Not that far.
     
103. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-10-04 candidate 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-10-04 Pub. Date: 2008-10-04
Image Number: 27049
Caption: Hey Clyde, is Lemont here? Nah, girl. But he sent a note. "Hey guys. Can't tell you I'm an embedded journalist on a mission to rescue John McCain's long-lost honor from a prison camp in Vietnam… "…because that's classified. Please feed goldfish. xoxo, Lemont." Dios mio. I know. Like we ain't got spit to do but feed that dude's fish.
     
104. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-09-28 candidate 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-09-28 Pub. Date: 2008-09-28
Image Number: 26928
Caption: Here to discuss government waste, Senator John McCain. Y'know, Bob… "I've fought the big-spenders in both parties who waste your money on things you neither need nor want… "…and the first big-spending pork-barrel earmark bill that comes across my desk, I will veto it. "I will make them famous, and you will know their names. "You will know their names." That's why I picked Sarah Palin as my running mate. What do you mean? Well, when she was a mayor, she got $27 million in earmarks for her small town of 6,700. I'm not following- Well, I picked her, now she's famous and you know her name. Job done.
     
105. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-09-26 candidate 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-09-26 Pub. Date: 2008-09-26
Image Number: 26926
Caption: Meanwhile, at the Candorville Chronicle… The Pentagon's sending Delta Force to rescue John McCain's lost honor from a prison in Vietnam. There's room for an embed, but we have to move fast. All our best people are busy covering Hurricane Britney. Who's left? Life as the Chronicle's Blogger, by Lemont Brown **** 8am - Realized tacos are a perfect metaphor for life. Tap tap tap tap. Is Milton back from vacation yet? The window washer?
     
106. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-09-25 candidate 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-09-25 Pub. Date: 2008-09-25
Image Number: 26925
Caption: Listen up, men. Inscom has lost contact with John McCain's honor. We believe his honor never returned from Vietnam, and is in fact captive in a heavily guarded prison. Intelligence, sir? Loads: 2004: McCain embraces the man who smeared his wife and baby. 2008: Approves false ad implying opponent is a sexual deviant. That's just for starters. Your mission, retrieve the senator's honor before it's too late. There will be casualties.
     
107. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-09-24 candidate 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-09-24 Pub. Date: 2008-09-24
Image Number: 26924
Caption: Remember when we implied that Obama was a creepy sexual deviant… …because he advocated legislation that would teach kids to protect themselves from predators? Well, surprisingly there's been some blowback, sir. Who is it? The ACLU? The media? If John McCain's honor is still alive, we think you'll find it here. Delta Force is ready, sir.
     
108. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-09-23 candidate 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-09-23 Pub. Date: 2008-09-23
Image Number: 26923
Caption: John McCain's office. If you're calling to ask why we ran an ad saying Obama wanted to teach kindergarteners about sex… …when he really sought to protect them from sexual predators… Press "one". Boop. John McCain had to face much worse things than lies when he was a captive in a stinking rat hole in Vietnam! Oh, for the love of...
     
109. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-09-22 candidate 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-09-22 Pub. Date: 2008-09-22
Image Number: 26922
Caption: I'm about to tell you that Barack Obama wanted to teach "comprehensive sex education" to KINDERGARTENERS… …even though the legislation I'm referring to was really about teaching kids to protect themselves from predators. But I think winning an election is more important than protecting kids. I'm John McCain, and I approved this garbage. "Sir, we mistakenly aired the dry run" better be code for "everything's peachy," or someone's getting fired.
     
110. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-09-14 candidate 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-09-14 Pub. Date: 2008-09-14
Image Number: 26606
Caption: Meanwhile, at the studios of "Late Night with Jayvid Lennonman"… I'm totally flummoxed, sir. Come on… One of you's got to have some idea how to tell jokes about Barack Obama without sounding racist. Face it, boss! We're a late night show with a white host and white writers! There's just no way! Y'all could hire some black writers. Did you hear something? Some buzzing. Maybe a bee. "Flummoxed"? Who says "Flummoxed"?
     
111. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-09-12 candidate 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-09-12 Pub. Date: 2008-09-12
Image Number: 26604
Caption: Breaking news! Joe Biden was apprehended today sneaking into Canada… …to avoid the sex change operation the Obama campaign had asked him to undergo. "Y'know what," said Biden, "If it helps me face down McCain's female VP-pick without angering women voters, I've decided that I'll-- Click. GILLIGAAAAN... The Skipper Toooo.... The million...aaaire.. CLYDE! Sorry, my bad. Click. In other news...
     
112. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-09-11 candidate 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-09-11 Pub. Date: 2008-09-11
Image Number: 26603
Caption: Senator McCain? Lemont Brown with the Candorville Chronicle. You've claimed Obama's inexperience makes him unfit to be commander in chief. But you've picked someone just as inexperienced to be your running mate. I had enough experience for both of us when I was held prisoner in a stinking rathole in Vietnam! ...You really can't use that for every- Next question.
     
113. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-09-10 candidate 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-09-10 Pub. Date: 2008-09-10
Image Number: 26602
Caption: In other news, Democratic vice presidential hopeful Joe Biden has run away. How could this happen, Chuck? Well, two theories, Wolf. First: McCain chose Sarah Palin, a woman, as his running mate. Some say Biden ran because the Obama campaign asked him to undergo a sex change operation so he could attack Palin in debates without turning off women voters. Stunning. And the second theory? Well... There's actually just one theory.
     
114. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-09-09 candidate 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-09-09 Pub. Date: 2008-09-09
Image Number: 26601
Caption: Heh. Obama picked Joe Biden for VP 'cause Biden could DESTROY any debate opponent. But McCain picked a woman! No one wants to see a man attack a woman! The Dems are so gonna lose! There's nothing they can do about it. Nothing! Meanwhile, across town... You want me to WHAT? Hear me out, Joe. Sex change clinic.
     
115. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-09-08 candidate 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-09-08 Pub. Date: 2008-09-08
Image Number: 26600
Caption: John McCain's the one who represents real change. What? He basically wants things to stay how they are. Yeah. But he picked a WOMAN as his running mate. A woman! A woman who basically wants things to stay how they are. Did I mention she has girl parts? And all of them want things to stay how they are.
     
116. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-09-07 candidate 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-09-07 Pub. Date: 2008-09-07
Image Number: 26384
Caption: The hot topic on today's SUNDAY MORNING POLITICAL SHOW: are military invasions justifiable? Here to discuss this: Senator John McCain. Thanks, Tom. Let's take last month for instance. Russia claimed Georgia's regime was brutal and dangerous, so they invaded. That was wrong. "IN THE 21ST CENTURY, NATIONS DON'T INVADE OTHER NATIONS." Our next guest: John McCain from a few moments earlier. Hello, Tom. When you've got a brutal and dangerous regime, invasions (Like what we did in Iraq) are perfectly ok. Tom, me from a moment ago is a reckless warmonger, who deserves our scorn. Bob, me from right now is hopefully naive.
     
117. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-09-01 candidate 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-09-01 Pub. Date: 2008-09-01
Image Number: 26378
Caption: Realty Ville. I'm sorry, you won't be able to buy a house. What?! Why? Is it my credit score? My income? No, no… It's just that John McCain's already bought them all. Get it? 'Cause the McCains own a bunch of hou-- NOT A FAN OF THE POLITICAL HUMOR!!!
     
118. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-08-24 candidate 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-08-24 Pub. Date: 2008-08-24
Image Number: 26019
Caption: Monday. Barack Obama! Up by eight points in the latest poll. What's this mean, Chuck? Everything Chris. Tuesday. After all, McCain's up by two points with only two months 'til the election. So… Wednesday. …Clearly, he's going to have a hard time catching Obama, whose lead is widening. Thursday. ...And since they're virtually tied in the latest poll... Friday. ...The Obama campaign must be panicking... Friday afternoon. ...Because Obama's lead at this point just might be insurmountable.
     
119. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-08-23 candidate 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-08-23 Pub. Date: 2008-08-23
Image Number: 26018
Caption: You look like that guy who's running for president. Hold on, short-round. Black people don't all look alike. That's a racist stereotype. You're old enough to learn how to tell black people apart. I, for instance, look NOTHING like Barack Obama. I meant McCain. You're both really old. I liked you better when you were racist.
     
120. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-08-16 candidate 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-08-16 Pub. Date: 2008-08-16
Image Number: 25789
Caption: Gall-Mart summons thousands of workers to mandatory meetings. We're not telling you how to vote… We're just pointing out that if you vote for Obama, we'll make it easier for you to unionize. Then you'd all lose your jobs, become panhandlers, and live in a moldy cardboard box that smells of tuna. Thanks for not telling us how to vote. In the end, you'd beg for sweet, merciful death.
     
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