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Candorville

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-28 campaign 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-28 Pub. Date: 2019-08-28
Image Number: 179193
Caption: Joe Biden keeps doing strange things … like saying he worked with segregationists to get things done. What was he thinking? It's as if he's trying to sabotage his own campaign. He must've never read my book: The Alpha Male's Guide to Not Lousing everything Up. Is that your book that just says go home on every page?
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-31 campaign 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-31 Pub. Date: 2019-01-31
Image Number: 176034
Caption: Dick Fink is such a jerk. He suggested I pitch Aristotle as a celebrity spokesman to Smarty-Smart Genius Brain Academy. Aristotle was wrong so often. If I'd taken Dick Rink's advice, I'd have looked like an ignoramus. Which I'm sure was Dick Fink's plan. So I pitched it my way. They loved it. it went viral. It's a really funny ad campaign about how the desire to correct Aristotle's goofy ideas was the foundation of modern science. Kind of like how your desire to sabotage Dick Fink's sabotage is the foundation of your best ad campaigns.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-29 campaign 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-29 Pub. Date: 2019-01-29
Image Number: 176032
Caption: I'm sorry, Dick Fink. What was that you were saying about Aristotle? I was saying, he'd be a great spokesman for an ad campaign. You should pitch it to that big client you just landed. Smarty-smart genius brain academy? Exactly. What would impress them more than an entire campaign based on the wisest philosopher in history? Aristotle was a moron ... are you trying to sabotage me? You're scolding me. Aristotle said women were more apt to scold.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-19 campaign 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-19 Pub. Date: 2018-10-19
Image Number: 174495
Caption: I hear your campaign's going very well, Mort. My what is going what now? … For Congress. You campaign for Congress. You were running neck-and-neck for a while with the incumbent, Congressman Snidely. But now you're up by three. Oh. Must be that Blue Wave they keep talking about. Or maybe it's that people find my progressive values to be very attractive. Yeah. That, and they finally buried him, so the mourning period is over. I'm looking forward to the debate.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-01 campaign 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-01 Pub. Date: 2018-10-01
Image Number: 174288
Caption: Sir, I saw you assigned the Judge Groperman account to Dick Fink. That's my account, sir. Why would you do that? Now that Groperman's been accused of attacking a woman, I thought maybe you would be more comfortable not handling his P.R. campaign. I see. Are you sure it's not because you're afraid I'll sabotage the campaign to make sure the state senate rejects his nomination? Yayle. I would never even think of doing such a thing. Clearly not. All cretins are innocent until proven guilty.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-10 campaign 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-10 Pub. Date: 2018-08-10
Image Number: 173377
Caption: Hello congressional candidate, your robocall has reached the home of a registered voter. I can't come to the phone right now because I'm out searching for the nonexistent job your party promised you'd deliver last time you ran for office. I'm Lemont Brown. And I approved this message.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-28 campaign 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-28 Pub. Date: 2018-05-28
Image Number: 171945
Caption: Would you be disappointed in me if I agreed to create an ad campaign for the NRA? Of course not. In fact, I have an idea. Why don't you do an ad about how the NRA saved us all from smart gun technology that would've made sure only authorized users could fire a gun. I mean, that tech alone would've prevented most school shooting. Thank got the NRA put a stop to that. I really hate sarcasm Mondays. We really dodged the dodge-a-bullet bullet thanks to them.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-04 campaign 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-04 Pub. Date: 2017-07-04
Image Number: 159980
Caption: Meanwhile, in Moscow … Hello, you've reached the office of California Assembly Speaker Anthony Rendon. Moscow. If you're a pharmaceutical of health care industry lobbyist calling to donate another $150 thousand to my campaign fund, press "one." If you're a journalist calling to ask why I killed a highly popular single-payer health care bill that would've saved countless lives and insulated Californians from Trumpcare, press 2. Sorry, Speaker Rendon is unavailable to talk right now.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-03-08 campaign 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-03-08 Pub. Date: 2017-03-08
Image Number: 155381
Caption: It's as if people don't care if they're lied to, as long as the guy doing the lying is "their" guy. People love getting lied to, Lemont. That's what makes my job so fun. Crafting a good ad campaign is like sitting by the glow of a lamp and telling your sweet little child and a night-night story. Every good night-night story omits the gruesome details. I thought you hated kids. Oh, not at all. I love them ... in theory.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-10-30 campaign 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-10-30 Pub. Date: 2016-10-30
Image Number: 149667
Caption: What do you mean you're already dressed for the Halloween party? I'm going as a man who's been so crushed by the crumbling economy that he's sunk into a deep, dark chasm of despair … A man who feels so powerless and frustrated that he'll vote to overturn the rotten system, even if it means voting for a bigoted, thin-skinned, narcissistic chicken little who's always taken advantage of that system. Dios mio. Can't you tell? Make America Great Again.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-10-19 campaign 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-10-19 Pub. Date: 2016-10-19
Image Number: 149906
Caption: Hello, journalist, you've reached the campaign of Donald Trump. Vancouver International Airport. If you've criticized Mr. Trump in the past, press "one," you overrated, no-talent hack. Taxi queue. If you've showered him with praise, press "two," you decent, talented credit to your profession. Boop. You've pressed "two." Your interview may now commence ... Hello? This is Trump. "One" and "two" are so close together.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-09-25 campaign 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-09-25 Pub. Date: 2016-09-25
Image Number: 148272
Caption: It all started when I considered voting for Donald Trump. He's against illegal immigration. I'm against illegal immigration. So why not? People said that made him racist. But I agree with him, and I know I'm not racist. And if people were wrong to call him "racist" about that, maybe they're wrong to call him racist about everything. I started arguing with my own wife. I said demanding Obama's birth certificate wasn't racist. I said wanting to ban all Muslim immigrants wasn't racist. Trump saying a judge couldn't do his job because he's Mexican-American? I said that wasn't racist. I said the fact he kept retweeting white supremacists wasn't racist. But yesterday ... I caught myself saying "What's so racist about white supremacists anyway?" You're worried that supporting Trump is desensitizing you to racism? No, I just wondered if I can bunk here tonight. My wife kicked me out.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-09-22 campaign 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-09-22 Pub. Date: 2016-09-22
Image Number: 148764
Caption: Sir, Concast Cable's interested in an ad campaign that'll soften up their image in advance of this mega-merger. When people think of their purchase of Slime-Warmer Cable, Concast wants them to think of a mom-and-pop store … and not a corporate behemoth that's going to slash thousands of jobs, create a monopoly and eventually jack up prices. This'll be tough. On the bright side, we get to charge them the "utter (censored)" fee. Yayle. CEO of the Year 2002.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-09-11 campaign 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-09-11 Pub. Date: 2016-09-11
Image Number: 147720
Caption: Remember that time Donald Trump tried to "reach out to black voters"? Of course. That was just last month. The same day he tried to "reach out," he was asked about his "Make America Great Again" thing. They asked him what period in American history was "great." Trump said the '80s and the Industrial Revolution era, which was in the 1800s. In the '80s, there was that "drug war" that put more black people in jail than white people for havin' basically the same drugs. Plus we had to wear them short gym shorts. No dude should wear shorts that short. Ever. For a couple obvious reasons ... An' if there's one way to reach out to black people, it's to tell us the 1800s was good times. Just to be fair, there's no evidence he actually knows what happened in the 1800s.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-07-19 campaign 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-07-19 Pub. Date: 2016-07-19
Image Number: 146140
Caption: I just got off the phone with the Trump campaign. They're still denying me press credentials. This just may end up being the craziest Republican National Convention in history, and I can't get in to report on it. How am I supposed to score the great interviews if I'm locked out? I won't be able to interview the rock stars ... the wrestlers ... the flaming-sword-swallowers ... the magician ... the human pincushion ... What a freakshow. Donald Trump ...
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-07-02 campaign 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-07-02 Pub. Date: 2016-07-02
Image Number: 145233
Caption: I own several properties, bruh. I got a booth in a recording studio I won in a game of dominoes, I got my apartment I won in a game of dice … I got 42 houses I bought in Flint, MI, for $28 … Whachoo think America would say 'bout me if I ran for president, held events at my own properties, an' then used people' campaign donations to pay myself $1 million in rent? They'd just say the same thing they say about Trump, that's it's perfectly legal. Thelma Jr. Bruh, have you met America?
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-06-28 campaign 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-06-28 Pub. Date: 2016-06-28
Image Number: 145229
Caption: You've reached Senator Marionette's office. To ask a question, press or say "one" now. "One." If your question is "where do I send a campaign donation," press or say "one" now. If your question is about why I block all attempts at gun control even after enormous massacres, please hang up now. Not falling for it.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-06-26 campaign 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-06-26 Pub. Date: 2016-06-26
Image Number: 144284
Caption: You want to know why I'm voting for Trump? Because I like the idea of him making America great again. Oh, me too. That way we could all build bomb shelters in our backyards. Women could wear corsets, and men could wear suits and fedoras all the time, even while jogging. BLM activist love of red velvet cake. Daily Nutjob. Hillary failed to stop Pearl Harbor. Goodnight Grandpa. Men could smoke and drink in the office like real men, and women could go back to doing whatever we say. Black war vets could be denied a lot of the benefits of the G.I. Bill and I wouldn't have to sit in the front of the bus anymore. Also confesses to having red "Little Red Riding Hood." Hillary rep'd NY on 9/11. Coincidence? Exoneration Nation. I once read that sarcasm is the lowest form of humor. I like the back of the bus. That way I could keep an eye our for all the Communists. Has aversion to pepper spray. Why? Hillary failed to stop destruction of Alderaan.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-06-17 campaign 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-06-17 Pub. Date: 2016-06-17
Image Number: 144566
Caption: In the wake of what even Republicans have called blatantly racist comments, Donald Trump's campaign may be about to unrave … Click. Experts predict robots will take half of earth's jobs within 30 years. When we tried to reach those experts for comment, their phone lines all went dead. Click. It appears the newly discovered ninth planet is responsible for the comet showers that cause mass extinctions on earth every 26 million years. And we're due for another one right. Click. Gilligaaaaan, the Skipper tooooo ... the millionaaaaire ... and his wiiiiiiiife ...
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-06-13 campaign 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-06-13 Pub. Date: 2016-06-13
Image Number: 144562
Caption: Trump Campaign. John Barron speaking. Hi, I'm Lemont Brown with the Candorville Post. Right, we cover news, culture, opinion … I'm sure you've heard of us. We have 300,000 readers every day online. Mr. Trump says he's never heard of you, you're a total loser, you're overrated, and nobody likes you. He also says you don't treat him fairly. Probably because you're black ... He'd like me to add that nobody loves the blacks more than he does. They're tremendous.
     
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