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Candorville

Comics about calls and calling.

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-19 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-19 Pub. Date: 2020-01-19
Image Number: 181257
Caption: My 3-year-old asked me how many dimensions we live in. Can you believe that, Clyde? Believe what? What I just said. You wasn't listening neither? Of course I was. I don't know, bruh. If I been listening to somethin', I don't need to ask people 'bout it later. No, What I just said was an answer. I don't know. What did you just say was an answer? That's ... sigh ... Let me start over. My little boy asked if we live in three dimensions. I said We live in three special dimensions, but there's a fourth dimension we live in called time. The fourth dimension called time what? They don't get along? At what point in the fourth dimension did you decide to just mess with me?
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-15 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-15 Pub. Date: 2020-01-15
Image Number: 181260
Caption: I don't know what to do, Clyde. I just got an invitation to go give a speech at a journalism conference in Iran … Right after I published a series of opinion pieces condemning pretty much every side that brought us to the brink of war over there. On the one hand, it's dangerous for journalists these days, and I've never heard of the group that invited me. It's called Truth, Responsibility and Principle. T.R.A.P.? On the other hand, they say there's a free continental breakfast.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-10 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-10 Pub. Date: 2020-01-10
Image Number: 181116
Caption: We might not be able to travel to other stars ever, Susan. Because of what Anton Petrov calls the wall of fire. What's that? A year ago, Voyager II left our solar system, passing out of the heliosphere, which is a bubble made of plasma that encases the whole solar system. Voyager II discovered the plasma gets up around 89,000 degrees ... Yeah, but ... is that Fahrenheit or Celsius? Interstellar colonists will need a lot of sunscreen.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-09 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-09 Pub. Date: 2020-01-09
Image Number: 181115
Caption: Last year, cosmologists observed that everything in the universe is physically connected by a superstructure. They call it the cosmic web. It's made of filaments of gases and clustered galaxies. They reach across the endless voids, spanning the entire universe to bind everything there is, to everything there is. If you were anyone else, I'd think this was a pickup line. I bet the structure pulsates, like the beating of our hearts.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-07 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-07 Pub. Date: 2020-01-07
Image Number: 181113
Caption: Governor Newsom sure came down on you for that article you wrote about Mayor Pete's fancy wine cave fundraisers. Yeah. He said There are literally hundreds of Democrats that have been in that same cave … which was a good point. So I wrote a new article called When everyone is corrupt, then no one is corrupt. Hate the game, not the player, Lemont. Aphorisms are just 2% less lazy than memes, Susan. I hit dog will holler. Stop that.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-06 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-06 Pub. Date: 2020-01-06
Image Number: 181112
Caption: I read your article where you called Mayor Pete's high-dollar wine cave fundraisers corrupt. That's so unfair, Lemont. For the sake of argument … hypothetically speaking, of course … Let's say someone showered Pete with cash in the wine cave in the hope that he'd throw his campaign's business to her P.R. firm ... but she didn't explicitly say that, she only stuck her business card between the $1,000 bills ... Go on ...
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-21 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-21 Pub. Date: 2019-12-21
Image Number: 180860
Caption: It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller. Yeah, how come you haven't said Merry Christmas yet? Oh, that's because I was hoping to provoke everyone who's upset about the so-called War on Christmas to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don't think Christmas is just another chance to play victim can open their gifts in peace. You're welcome, America. Why haven't you played Jingle Bells yet?
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-15 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-15 Pub. Date: 2019-12-15
Image Number: 180764
Caption: I've decided to become a whistleblower. It's the latest thing. I'll report on how the boss called his coffee bean supplier in Ukraine and tried to extort them into announcing that out main competitor, Coffee King, is corrupt. He wanted them to lie and say Coffee King bought radioactive coffee beans from Chernobyl. My whistleblower report will be all over the news. It'll prompt an investigation. Naturally. At which point, the boss's cronies on the city council will deflect attention by demanding to know my identity. I'll finally be famous! So? Nobody would even know your name. That's perfect. We famous people value our privacy.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-13 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-13 Pub. Date: 2019-12-13
Image Number: 180769
Caption: In all the years I've endured your presence, I have never once heard you mention your mother. It's almost as if you think you sprang fully formed from the bowels of the earth. When's the last time you called your mother? December 2, 1992. The day before text messaging was introduced. Ingrate!!!
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-11 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-11 Pub. Date: 2019-12-11
Image Number: 180767
Caption: 1982. Last night I looked across the alley and saw your light on, but you weren't answering your tin can. I didn't know you called me. Maybe the string wasn't tight enough to receive the call. But I was busy anyway. I was writing to my pen pal. Chuck's been having trouble working up the courage to talk to some little red-haired girl. He was even too timid to try my suggested pull her hair ice-breaker. That's my best move. I don't know why you men think us women like that. Try my can again tonight, I'll try to get better reception.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-06 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-06 Pub. Date: 2019-12-06
Image Number: 180645
Caption: Feudalbanc Massacard, this is Ryan. How may I hinder you? You could tell me why you lowered my credit limit to just below my balance … and then you charged me an over-limit fee. Potomu chto my mozhem. You know Google translate exists now, right, Ryan?
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-25 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-25 Pub. Date: 2019-11-25
Image Number: 180571
Caption: I can't stand it when black people whine about so-called racism. We live in a country where hundreds of thousands of white people died in a civil war to end slavery. How could people still think racism is a big part of this country in light of that history? Well, first of all ... didn't 260,000 of those Americans die trying to keep slavery? Ancient history. Has nothing to do with anything.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-06 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-06 Pub. Date: 2019-11-06
Image Number: 180253
Caption: All children go through a crisis when they first realize their parents aren't perfect. Tell me about it. Dr. Noodle. After Lionel calmed down, I convinced him I wasn't purposely trying to kill the neighbor by selling him a microwave that might cause cancer ... or at least I thought I did. That night, flashing lights and a siren woke me from a deep slumber. I looked out the window and saw the police and the coroner were at the neighbor's apartment. It's a good idea to hide the phone for the duration of the crisis. Scribble scrib- Lionel later told me he'd called anonymously, using the name Daniel Tiger, so I wouldn't get locked up. He's so smart.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-29 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-29 Pub. Date: 2019-10-29
Image Number: 180103
Caption: What's wrong, Lemont? A lot of my readers have turned one me. All because I wrote an article called The New McCarthyism about how Democrats took legit intelligence about Russian interfering in our elections … and went way too far with it. Now, one Democrat will accuse another Democrat of being a Russian bot if that Democrat even mildly critiques a Democrat that Democrat likes. You sound like a Russian bot. That's what my readers said.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-17 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-17 Pub. Date: 2019-10-17
Image Number: 179917
Caption: Jodie at work called me a Type A person. It offended me. Type A's are ambitious, outgoing, proactive, concerned with time-management … but they're also rigidly organized. I specifically planned to be flexibly organized at this point of my life. Couldn't you just move flexible to your fifties? That would throw everything off!!!
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-13 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-13 Pub. Date: 2019-10-13
Image Number: 179803
Caption: The other day, my little girl insisted that our dog was a horse. Dr. Noodle. So I took her to a ranch and showed her a real horse. She said This is a horsey? Then … our doggie is a doggie. That evening, we had dinner with my dad. He said The President has never lied. That shocked me. So I pulled up the Washington Post's list of over 12,000 lies the President's told. He dismissed it all as fake news, called reporters Enemies of the people, and said Jeff Bezos and everyone who buys from Amazon are of questionable citizenship. I still don't think it's wide of you to refuse to talk to anyone older than three from now on. Do you happen to know any toddlers with a psychiatric degree.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-09 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-09 Pub. Date: 2019-10-09
Image Number: 179806
Caption: I'm using reader feedback to perfect a book I'm writing called Lemont's Axioms of the Internet. Ooh. Tell me more. I posted my first axiom on my site and waited for the comments. What's the axiom? Lemont's first axiom: People who start a reply with actually almost always go on to write something that's utter nonsense. Actually, I think that's very observant of you, Lemont. 89 percent of my readers wrote exactly the same thing.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-04 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-04 Pub. Date: 2019-10-04
Image Number: 179729
Caption: Ask Sadie Advice Hour. What's your problem?! My son just started preschool. This sweet, innocent child who's seen nothing but Sesame Street … came home after the first week and started hitting us and yelling You're a bad guy! Good guys hit bad guys! Yes, yes, it's an age-old problem: The corrupting influence of his peers. Might I suggest you wrap your angel in cellophane to protect him from the world? Better yet, launch him into space, where not even the cold virus can ever reach him! He did have the sniffles.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-24 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-24 Pub. Date: 2019-09-24
Image Number: 179618
Caption: I'd like to discuss a collaboration, Lemont. I'm all ears, Perry. Perry? Don't you meant Mr. White? When you worked here, you called me Mr. White. Your blog may be the internet's 47th largest source for news and opinion, but don't let that go to your head ... Brown. The chronicle fell to number 48, I take it. The chronicle would like to parachute you into the inferno engulfing the Amazon ... to report on it, I mean.
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-23 call 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-23 Pub. Date: 2019-09-23
Image Number: 179617
Caption: … So I asked him Just how are you going to call the police when you're all tied up? Pardon me. Couldn't help but overhear. Tied up makes no sense when you think about it. When you wrap a rope around something, the rope actually goes around and around not up. Someone needs to smack you around. That makes no sense either.
     
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