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Candorville

Comics about breaks and breaking.

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101. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-01-29 break 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-01-29 Pub. Date: 2010-01-29
Image Number: 43365
Caption: Roxanne? How'd you get in here? It's way past visiting hours. I just want you to know Daddy took care of your health care bills as a wedding gift. After we're married, Daddy'll teach you the family business, we'll get you a normal haircut, and we'll move to a big house Daddy bought us in posh hills. Oh, Lem-Lem, I'M SO EXCITED!!! Is this a bad time to tell you I've leaving you and suing for custody of Lionel?
     
102. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-12-28 break 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-12-28 Pub. Date: 2009-12-28
Image Number: 42482
Caption: What's more likely, Lemont? That you had a psychotic break and you're lying on a gurney in Sunnyville sanitarium, hallucinating? Or that you and your therapist are stuck in Mexico, where we were kidnapped, chased by wolves, had tea with the most brutal drug cartel boss in Juarez ... ... And now you're going to interview a demon called La Llorona who steals the souls of the city's children? You're right. That's absurd. My HMO would NEVER cover hallucinations.
     
103. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-12-25 break 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-12-25 Pub. Date: 2009-12-25
Image Number: 42236
Caption: You say you interviewed a demon named La Llorona who sucks the souls right out of little children? She was actually kind to me. I see. Fascinating. But has it occurred to you that maybe you had a psychotic break during our last therapy session … … and at this very moment you're trapped to a gurney in the mental care center to which I had you committed? No. Not really. Fascinating.
     
104. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-11-05 break 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-11-05 Pub. Date: 2009-11-05
Image Number: 40342
Caption: You have two seconds to tell me who you are and why you're in my house, or my vicious dog will kill you. My name is Saxon Kenchu. What I am about to tell you will chill you to the bone and shatter your beliefs about the world. What, that you're the son of a mixed marriage between a vampire and a vampire hunter and your mother is trying to enslave the world? I read all that nonsense back when Lemont twittered it. Stupid internet spoilers.
     
105. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-09-02 break 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-09-02 Pub. Date: 2009-09-02
Image Number: 37999
Caption: Wait. Whachoo mean you lost the one chick who "could've" made you happy? Roxanne never made you happy. I'm not talking about Roxanne, I'm talking about … um … Who's "um"? I mean, I hate to break it to you, but you ain't lost much. People with one-syllable names like "um" are stupid. E'rebody know that. The are? ... CLYDE? Yeh, that's why they parents gave 'em names they could remember.
     
106. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-06-24 break 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-06-24 Pub. Date: 2009-06-24
Image Number: 35436
Caption: At the Ad Agency, Susan helps an executive from Fear, Inc., launch a campaign to scare people away from universal healthcare. You wanted a new idea, Mr. Bunker … "Harry and Louise" aren't new, and the ones you knew from '94 disappeared without a trace. Wrong, little goil. Hurry up, meathead! 1994 Version of Harry and Louise. Dios mio. Break out the cam'ras, we got a commercial to film. Dear God, what's that putrid smell?!
     
107. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-06-01 break 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-06-01 Pub. Date: 2009-06-01
Image Number: 34731
Caption: Liberals 9/11 whine 9/11 about 9/11 so-called torture 9/11… …But 9/11 the enhanced interrogations were 9/11 not "torture" 9/11, and even if 9/11 they were, who 9/11 gives a… Click. This is a REAL football uniform. …The kind that MEN wore. Cosby break.
     
108. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-04-21 break 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-04-21 Pub. Date: 2009-04-21
Image Number: 31768
Caption: It makes me really happy to know you're always there for me, Lemont. What? I said you're always there for me, so that makes-- You're really breaking up. What? IT MAKES ME HAPPY THAT… Man, reception stinks here. What did you say? I SAID YOU MAKE ME @#$% HAPPY!
     
109. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-03-28 break 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-03-28 Pub. Date: 2009-03-28
Image Number: 31152
Caption: Yo Big L, you shoulda been at the club tonight, it… Susan? I guess you're wondering why I'm here. It certainly wouldn't be because I took a dog for a walk, then next thing I knew, I was at Lemont's place, unlocking the door, inviting the dog in. And I certainly wouldn't have seen the dog log on to Lemont's iMac, delete a bunch of files, and EAT his external hard drive. Ok. You have a key? I always gotta use a hairpin. Can't you at least listen to me in my DREAMS?!
     
110. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-03-19 break 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-03-19 Pub. Date: 2009-03-19
Image Number: 30976
Caption: You don't have to tell me these lies to break Roxanne and me up. I was gonna leave her anyway. Say what? Soon as I got that promotion, I knew I had a chance at last. I went to a lawyer… I'm here to sue for custody. I KNEW IT! GET MY LYING WIFE ON THE PHONE!!! ...And then I went to a different lawyer.
     
111. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-03-18 break 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-03-18 Pub. Date: 2009-03-18
Image Number: 30975
Caption: I know what you and Roxanne are up to behind my back, Saxon. It's obvious. You grew up together. I see how you look at each other. You think you're my son's real father. And now to break us up, you're telling me Roxanne's an evil vampire who had your kid to fulfill an ancient prophecy that'll make her ruler of the world. It's the oldest trick in the book.
     
112. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-03-13 break 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-03-13 Pub. Date: 2009-03-13
Image Number: 30805
Caption: I don't believe my fiancée's a vampire who's plotting to use our own son to enslave the world. I'm not a fool, Saxon. You love her and you're trying to drive a wedge between us with these lies. But your mistake, Saxon, was using my son. That's where I draw the line, Saxon! This far, and no further! Sorry, took a potty break. Were you talking? Yes, and it was VERY FORCEFUL, that thing I said.
     
113. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-03-04 break 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-03-04 Pub. Date: 2009-03-04
Image Number: 30448
Caption: Clyde… What do you mean I should dump Phil Anders? Tsk… Look, the C-dog knows… You getting' long in the tooth. Ya clock is tickin'. Gravity's winning. I was going to say "I dumped him months ago! Don't you ever listen to me?" Don’t tell nobody I'm sensitive. Tha's between you an' me. Kill.
     
114. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-12-01 break 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-12-01 Pub. Date: 2008-12-01
Image Number: 28417
Caption: Clyde, what're you doing? It's called "eating." No, I mean what're you doing here, in my apartment?! It's… called… "eating." HOW DID YOU GET INTO MY APARTMENT?! It's called "eating." See that response doesn’t really work with my last question. Do you mind? I'm eating.
     
115. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-09-12 break 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-09-12 Pub. Date: 2008-09-12
Image Number: 26604
Caption: Breaking news! Joe Biden was apprehended today sneaking into Canada… …to avoid the sex change operation the Obama campaign had asked him to undergo. "Y'know what," said Biden, "If it helps me face down McCain's female VP-pick without angering women voters, I've decided that I'll-- Click. GILLIGAAAAN... The Skipper Toooo.... The million...aaaire.. CLYDE! Sorry, my bad. Click. In other news...
     
116. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-08-01 break 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-08-01 Pub. Date: 2008-08-01
Image Number: 25421
Caption: Saxon, what am I going to do if Lemont never comes back? Little Lionel needs a father. Not really I had a father, and-- That's true. And look at you. A 33-year-old loser with no future. You're not an easy person to comfort. Don't sell yourself short, Salmon. I feel MUCH better.
     
117. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-07-31 break 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-07-31 Pub. Date: 2008-07-31
Image Number: 25420
Caption: So where's Lemont? Your father wanted me to invite him to the cabin. Lemont… Sniff… Lemont… Oh, Saxon! Lemont left me! Say what? Well, I'd just made reservations at my fave restaurant… …When he said something about some escaped terrorist hunting him and about having to disappear for a while. What?! That's horrible! I know! I had to dine alone. Can you imagine?
     
118. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-07-22 break 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-07-22 Pub. Date: 2008-07-22
Image Number: 25213
Caption: C-Dog, my supervisor keep yellin' at me like I'm some kid. C-Dog's Incredibly Bad Advice. 50¢. But ain't nothin' I can do, not an' keep my job. I feel powerless a lot, C-Dog. Tsk. Here what y'do: Every lunch break, wait 'til the sign say "Don't Walk," and then cross the street. That'll make me feel more powerful? Only if you stare down the drivers like it's they fault.
     
119. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-07-11 break 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-07-11 Pub. Date: 2008-07-11
Image Number: 24781
Caption: I'm no ghost, Lemont. What you're talking to is a (censored) memory of George Carlin…A spark of electrical activity in your brain. And when that spark fades, I'll be gone into nothingness, Just like the real (star). How do I know it wasn't really him? Gimme a (censored) break, the real me would've been much funnier.
     
120. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-06-25 break 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-06-25 Pub. Date: 2008-06-25
Image Number: 24479
Caption: You dingbat! Where's my dinner?! I'm leavin' you, Arch. WHAT?! Nobody was buyin' my "Obama's wife called people 'Whitey'" product, so the boss fired me! It ain't my fault, Edith! The Archie I married woulda walked into that factory and said, "You can't fire me, I been manufacturing fear since before you was born!" Edith, my stomach is growlin' here. Goodbye... stranger.
     
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