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Candorville

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Result page:    2  3  Next  (46 images)


1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-11 bit 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-11 Pub. Date: 2019-11-11
Image Number: 180298
Caption: 1982. You want to be what, Lemont? A Jedi. I'm already practicing. But that's just a movie, Lemont. It's not really real. I think all stories are real. I think writers only think they made them up. I think what's really going on is, the universe is alive. And writers are the universe's way of remembering incidents that really happened. Is this about how Mrs. Drake gave your book report an F? My remembering of the incident is every bit as valid as the author's.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-27 bit 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-27 Pub. Date: 2019-01-27
Image Number: 175735
Caption: Ever since the president announced he'd be pulling troops out of Syria, I've felt like some nefarious entity has put blinders on me. And I only see what they want me to see. Dr. Noodle. I spent all day channel-flipping between MSNBC, Fox and CNN … and reading all the usual newspapers ... and then it hit me ... I didn't read or hear a single voice saying we should not be militarily occupying other people's countries. It's as if the media's entire purpose is to pretend there is no dissenting opinion about our endless wars. Look what happened when Phil Donahue. He had the highest rated show on MSNBC. But as soon as he came out against invading Iraq, he disappeared! Anti-war voices in the media always disappear. That's a bit paran ... Hey ... where'd you ... ?
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-02 bit 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-02 Pub. Date: 2018-08-02
Image Number: 173243
Caption: Do you ever wonder whether you ever wonder? Stop it. I once thought I thought, but now I'm not sure I think I think. Stop it. I'm just saying, how do we know our thoughts are our own and not placed in our heads by a higher power? Aren't you the least bit curious about the curiosity known as curiosity? Stop it.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-17 bit 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-17 Pub. Date: 2018-04-17
Image Number: 170575
Caption: My assistant, Dick Fink, somehow removed all the glass from my windows and I nearly plummeted to my death. I need to fire him, sir. Don't you think you're being just a tiny bit hysterical, Garcia? You're not sure it was him. And the man has a family to support. Whatever it is, work it out. Does he have something on you, Mr. Fitzhugh? You're always protecting him. Does he know some dirty secret? Of course not. By the way, totally unrelated ... let's whisper when we discuss Fink, ... just for kicks. Yayle. CEO of the Year.2002.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-03-31 bit 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-03-31 Pub. Date: 2018-03-31
Image Number: 169890
Caption: Sure, there are probably aliens. But why would they want to come here? The answer's obvious. How many of us tune in to insipid reality shows like The Bachelor and Real Housewives? If there's on thing we should all be able to agree on, it's that world history's been a bit melodramatic. We can't be the only species enthralled by the eternal question: What the @#$% is going on over there?
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-28 bit 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-28 Pub. Date: 2018-02-28
Image Number: 168929
Caption: I'm thinking of flying to Ukraine to cover a story about how evil, racist, neo Nazi paramilitaries are overrunning the country. C-Dog's Incredibly bad Advice $2. But since they're evil, racist and violent, it might be a little bit dangerous for me. Bruh ... we got neo Nazis right here. Just write 'bout them an' change the names. That'd be cheating. That'd be cheating. Just change Brad to Dmitry, an' change Miami to Bilhorod-Dnistrovskyl.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-15 bit 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-15 Pub. Date: 2018-01-15
Image Number: 167355
Caption: Let's take a moment for a brief interlude, between what was, and what will be. All the days in all the years we've been partnered have been the same, Tyrone. Wake up. Scrounge. Reflect on our dire circumstance but do nothing to change it. And then drift back to sleep. But it occurred to me today, in every story I've ever read, there's been an interlude between the status quo and the big change. I feel interludy. Do you feel interludy? Not even a little bit. (This cartoon was originally published on 2015-12-28).
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-12 bit 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-12 Pub. Date: 2017-11-12
Image Number: 164249
Caption: I can't believe youtube demonetized me, bruh. All my videos used to make bank, Big L. But just this morning, right after I uploaded my new track "Take a Knee," Youtube cut all the ads off almost all my videos. Well, some big advertisers pulled out of Youtube after it turned out major ads were running on four or five white supremacists' hate-videos. So the Youtube started demonetizing anything their algorithms thin is the least bit controversial. I know, bruh. That's why I renamed all my songs. "Slav'ry Bones" now be called "Involuntary Guest-Worker Bones." "Section 8 Blues" now called "Affordable Housing Lullabies." I don't know, Clyde. I heard once Youtube starts turning off a channel's ads, nothing will change their mind. "@#$% then Neo-Nazis" now called "Cuddle Kittens and Rainbow Bunnies."
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-03-10 bit 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-03-10 Pub. Date: 2017-03-10
Image Number: 155383
Caption: When did you know you were in love with Vancouver? It happened one night over Skype … I said "we must be double-planets, because our barycenter is somewhere between us in space, outside of either of our bodies … and because in our orbit around it, we're tidally locked, unable to turn away form one another." When she bit her lip and told me "that was so sexy" instead of slowly backing away from her computer, I knew it was true love. Dios mio.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-11-05 bit 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-11-05 Pub. Date: 2016-11-05
Image Number: 150476
Caption: 1982. What are you gonna be in 2012? I've narrowed it down to two options. If we don't blow ourselves up, I'll be a cyborg captain of a starship, hunting for black holes I can use to travel back in time and capture dinosaurs. If we DO blow ourselves up, I'll wear leather pants and roam the radioactive wasteland fighting mutants in order to bring a bucket of water and a little bit of peace to grateful orphans. It's good you have something to fall back on. Momma said that's important.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-15 bit 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-15 Pub. Date: 2016-08-15
Image Number: 147385
Caption: I went to the Russian winter Olympics. Oh, that's cool. How was it? Well at first I was afraid it was going to be nothing but unfamiliar customs and strange foods … but then I saw their harsh anti-gay laws in action. It was just like being in Arizona, or Utah, or Oklahoma, or Texas, or Louisiana, or Mississippi, or Alabama, or South Carolina. Always nice to find a little bit of home in a foreign land. And their fast food gave me the poops, just like ours.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-06-30 bit 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-06-30 Pub. Date: 2016-06-30
Image Number: 145231
Caption: Do you ever wonder whether you ever wonder? Stop it. I once thought I thoughts, but now I'm not sure I think I think. Stop it. I'm just saying, how do we know our thoughts are our own and not placed in our heads by a higher power? Aren't you the least bit curious about the curiosity known as "curiosity"? Stop it.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-03-08 bit 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-03-08 Pub. Date: 2016-03-08
Image Number: 140179
Caption: My assistant, Dick Fink, somehow removed all the glass from my windows and I nearly plummeted to my death. I need to fire him, sir. Don't you think you're being just a tiny bit hysterical, Garcia? You're not sure it was him. And the man has a family to support. Whatever it is, work it out. Does he have something on you, Mr. Fitzhugh? You're always protecting him. Does he know some dirty secret? Of course not. By the way, totally unrelated ... let's whisper when we discuss Fink ... just for kicks. Yayle. CEO of the Year 2002.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-12-28 bit 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-12-28 Pub. Date: 2015-12-28
Image Number: 137113
Caption: Let's take a moment for a brief interlude, between what was, and what will be. All the days in all the years we've been partnered have been the same, Tyrone. Wake up. Scrounge. Reflect on our dire circumstance but do nothing to change it. And then drift back to sleep. But it occurred to me today, in every story I've ever read, there's been an interlude between the status quo and the big change. I feel interludy. Do you feel interludy? Not even a little bit.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-09-15 bit 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-09-15 Pub. Date: 2015-09-15
Image Number: 132515
Caption: Date-A-Chick.com Suggestion: write a headline that makes you sound a bit dangerous. Date-A-Chick.com Headline: I'm the one … Date-A-Chick.com Headline: … Yoda warned Luke about before Luke went into the cave on Dagoba. Date-A-Chick.com Suggestion: Do not follow that suggestion.
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-08-11 bit 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-08-11 Pub. Date: 2015-08-11
Image Number: 130934
Caption: Robin Thicke's new girlfriend looks an awful lot like his ex-wife Paula Patton. That's so textbook. Textbook? It's right out of chapter 7 of The Guy's Guide to Breakups by Randy "The Rock" Taylor. Chapter 7's called "You Can't Miss Her if You're Dating Her Clone." I really don't want to talk about Robin Thicke. I'm trying to give you a head's up, Susan. Every man's a little bit Thicke.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-05-25 bit 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-05-25 Pub. Date: 2015-05-25
Image Number: 127500
Caption: Whatever you do, don't fall asleep. Your eyes are not getting heavy. I know. You're not the least bit tired. I know. Reverse-psychology doesn't work. I know.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-03-02 bit 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-03-02 Pub. Date: 2015-03-02
Image Number: 123662
Caption: When a man is witness to a passing unicorn, he thinks "My God … I just saw a unicorn!" But when a man is witnessed witnessing a unicorn, that SECOND witness adds nothing bit skepticism about what the first witness witnessed. DO you know why mankind no longer believes in the supernatural, Rosencrantz? It's because the Earth is now filled with 7 BILLION "second witnesses." Tyrone, I still don't buy that a unicorn ate my sandwich. (This cartoon was originally published on 2013-03-18).
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-09-14 bit 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-09-14 Pub. Date: 2014-09-14
Image Number: 115705
Caption: This morning while I was having a peanut butter sandwich for breakfast, I bit myself three times. Science is a total fraud, Susan. Huh? In the entire history of mankind, how many times have people bitten themselves on the inside of their cheek while they were eating? Probably more times than there are grains of sand on earth.. But when I googled it this morning, how many results showed up for the phrase "total cheek bites, average daily cheek bites per capita, and rate of correlation between cheek bites and fatal infections"? Zero. But when I googled "health benefits of peanut butter," guess how many results turned up? ... That's right, millions. Scientists are in the pocket of big peanut. who eats peanut butter sandwiches for breakfast?
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-04-27 bit 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-04-27 Pub. Date: 2014-04-27
Image Number: 109961
Caption: Who do you think's gonna replace David Letterman on "Late Show"? Who give a *$%@? Yet another white dude in a suit, tellin' jokes an' suckin' up to actors … Why would I care about that? You go like 21 late night shows. Only one of them hosts ain't white, an only one is a woman. White men about 36% of America, bit they like 90% OF LATE NIGHT. Late night TV don't look like America, dawg. Unless they ask Dave Chappelle to host it, I ain't watchin'. Besides, I already watched them "Chappelle Show" DVDs fifty times. I need some new Dave. So that's what happened to my ... GIVE ME BACK MY DVDs!!!
     
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