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Candorville

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-08 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-08 Pub. Date: 2019-11-08
Image Number: 180282
Caption: Even after all these years, Momma still won't tell me who my father is. All I know is, she met him when she was a waitress at a casino in Vegans, back in the seventies. I feel like she owes it to me to tell me. Your mom gave you life, raised you all by herself, worked from sunup to sundown to give you everything you needed ... Yeah, she really does owe you something. Glad you agree.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-07 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-07 Pub. Date: 2019-11-07
Image Number: 180266
Caption: How old was that microwave oven you sold me, anyway? Why? Well, when I heated up my midnight Hot Pocket, I stood before the unit staring into its window, as I'm wont to do. When it dinged, I tool out my savory snack, fastened my bib, and turned around to find that my shadow had been burned into the wall. it might be a little old. I want my $5 back, with interest.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-31 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-31 Pub. Date: 2019-10-31
Image Number: 180105
Caption: What do you mean It's all Apple's fault? In 2006, we weren't this polarized. Around 2008, the concept of objective reality died. Suddenly there was a website to back up every perspective, birther or not … science or anti-science … sane or not … Suddenly we wanted validation instead of straight talk. It's obvious what conditioned us to pick and choose our own realities ... Apps. I think you're still just mad the new iPhone cost you $1,000.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-16 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-16 Pub. Date: 2019-10-16
Image Number: 179916
Caption: I counted fifteen punctuation errors on your site in the past five years, Lemont. It's not a huge number, but it's the kind of thing that can damage your Q rating. I propose a 3-phase operation: Hire an editor to prevent future occurrences … Have my people scrub all your past articles to correct every error ... and have a foreign troll farm impugn the intelligence of anyone who's ever pointed out those errors. When's your vacation over? You really need to go back to work.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-10 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-10 Pub. Date: 2019-10-10
Image Number: 179807
Caption: Lately I've been thinking about quitting the agency and starting a Folklorico dance group. Say what? Remember how much I loved being in Ensables Ballet Folklorico back in college? Yeah. I was really good at it, too. And I don't think I've ever felt as happy as I did on stage. Maybe this is just your midlife crisis talking. Mumblety - three is NOT midlife anymore!!! If you say so.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-29 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-29 Pub. Date: 2019-09-29
Image Number: 179616
Caption: I'm tired of working, Randy. One of my ancestors put it best. It was the early days of the Roman Republic. Randius Taylorus Maximus was a soldier in the Roman phalanx. That bored him to death. All the clumsy formations, all the cumbersome gear, all the losing ... so he deserted and joined up with the Spartans. That's where he stopped working for a living, and got to do what he loved. He got to oil up and go into battle half-naked, with nothing but his shield, his sword and his loincloth. Years later, he adventured across the world on the back of Tito, the last living woolly mammoth. That's when he met Buddha, who took credit for Randius' motto: Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life. I just meant I felt like taking a nap.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-28 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-28 Pub. Date: 2019-09-28
Image Number: 179622
Caption: I don't want to be that guy, but … But what? Well … you notice anything about all the old tv shows they're bringing back? The Fugitive, Battlestar Gallactica, Punky Brewster, 90210 … How come nobody's talking about bringing back 227 … A Different World ... Living Single ... Family Matters ... Moesha ... Stop trying to change the subject and admit you lost that argument we had two weeks ago. Never mind. I have no problem being that guy.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-12 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-12 Pub. Date: 2019-09-12
Image Number: 179397
Caption: I'm tellin' you, Big L, it's a exciting time to be alive. Kids in cages … Right wing demagogues subverting democracies all over the world … mass shootings … climate change … No, Clyde, I don't see what's so exciting about these times. Eddie Murphy comin' all the way back, bruh. Cages, Clyde. Cages!
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-31 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-31 Pub. Date: 2019-08-31
Image Number: 179196
Caption: We're back from Canada. What happened? Mommy tried getting in, but they said Trump's racist Twitter rants are not grounds for refugee status. Well, welcome back. The country wouldn't have been the same without its future low-paid, debt-laden workforce. What? ... I mean, without you.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-19 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-19 Pub. Date: 2019-08-19
Image Number: 179093
Caption: Hi Mrs. Cass. It's Lemont Brown, your pupil from Baldwin kindergarten class of 1980. I'm writing my memoir, and I'm hoping you can check your records and confirm that I'm remembering an incident from back then correctly. That time I led the class in a rebellion against naptime ... Do your files show that I shouted You have nothing to lose but your blankies? Oh, you don't? ... So I guess you were lying when you said it would go down on my permanent record ... Yes ma'am, I have been waiting 40 years to do that.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-18 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-18 Pub. Date: 2019-08-18
Image Number: 178993
Caption: Kelly messaged me again. After a year of silence. She sent me a photo of an ice cube tray. No words or anything. Just the photo. Dr. Noodle. How did that make you feel? Like she was trying to tell me something. So I studied the picture for a long time. And then it occurred to me: I'd seen that ice cube tray before! it was mine! In my freshman year of college, she stole it and refused to give it back. I see. What do you think this means? I think it means she still loves me with the same passion she felt for me back then, and that she wants me to drop everything and fly to her and run off with her into the sunset. Sometimes, narcissists will play games just to make sure others are thing about the ... When I asked what it meant, she said That hurts and blocked me!
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-06 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-06 Pub. Date: 2019-08-06
Image Number: 178907
Caption: ICE and border patrol are really detaining Americans? Even American children. Back in March, they detained nin-year-old Julia Medina for 36 hours and interrogated her without her parents. She's an American who lives in Tijuana, and she had her passport. They tried to get her 14-year-old brother to say she was his cousin. What? Why? I asked them then they asked me for my passport. So I panicked and jumped into a passing freight train ... But I'll make a follow-up call tomorrow.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-28 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-28 Pub. Date: 2019-07-28
Image Number: 178668
Caption: You got some money I could hold right quick? My boy Tashif Sheefy McFly Turner got arrested in Detroit, bruh. I don't know, Clyde … What'd they arrest this guy for? He was painting a mural the city hired him to paint. Naturally, the cops arrested him for vandalism. A city official came down an' told the cops what was up. So all of a sudden they arrested him for somethin' else: resisting, obstructing ... havin' a outstanding traffic ticket ... Geez ... All right, I just sent you money. I think it's great you want to bail him out. Boop boop. Bail who out? He been got out weeks ago. Thanks for the money, though, Big L. Give me back my money!
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-26 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-26 Pub. Date: 2019-07-26
Image Number: 178673
Caption: Clyde, what was going on between you and Ice-T on Twitter the other day? Jus' a Twitter beef, bruh. Even a O.G. I respect ain't above some schoolin'. But both of you just went back and forth about which one of you cared less about the back and forth you were doing. All day. Fools better recognize that I couldn't care less if they recognize.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-25 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-25 Pub. Date: 2019-07-25
Image Number: 178672
Caption: How is it racist for the President to tell four black and brown congresswomen to go back where they came from? You libs are such hypocrites. You whined for years about the President not believing in your so-called science. Now that he's fully embraced science, all of a sudden that's racism. I have no idea what you're going on about. Evolution. Duh. He was clearly saying they should visit Africa, where we all come from. Why do you hate science?
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-24 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-24 Pub. Date: 2019-07-24
Image Number: 178671
Caption: I'm tired of people saying the President is racist for telling minority congresswomen to go back to the countries they came from. That was a week ago. It's ancient history. Get over it. What are you talking about? Out outrage over the President saying racist things doesn't just go away because of the tick of a clock ... like Cinderella's carriage turning back into a pumpkin. That reference is old and therefore meaningless.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-13 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-13 Pub. Date: 2019-07-13
Image Number: 178425
Caption: Did you see that video where important world leaders are talking at the G-20 … and wondering why the heck Donald Trump's daughter is trying to be part of their conversation? It triggered me. It brought back that time in college where I found myself at the same party with Mother Teresa and Nelson Mandela. I interjected with a pretty enlightening Sanford and Son analogy, and things got awkward. Why is you still talkin'?
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-31 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-31 Pub. Date: 2019-05-31
Image Number: 177797
Caption: 1982. Mr. Barnhouse must've really liked my art project. He said I should dedicate my whole entire life to it. It's a snow globe. And inside the snow globe is a little boy named Tommy Westphall. And Tommy is holding a tiny snow globe of his own. And inside Tommy's snow globe is an entire universe filled with people who each secretly have their own snow globes. And so on. I'm not sure Lemont, you should be committed for life means what you think it means. Mr. Barnhouse backed away slowly when he said it. That's a sign of respect.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-30 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-30 Pub. Date: 2019-05-30
Image Number: 177796
Caption: Hello, me. I'm you from the future. I've come back in time to ask you to write in your journal more often. You know all those incredible little moments and all those profound or funny things your little boy says that make you think I'll never forget that? Well guess what? You've forgotten them all. Also, make sure you write about butterflies, panda bears and our democracy. Zzzzz.
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-18 back 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-18 Pub. Date: 2019-05-18
Image Number: 177625
Caption: Have you seen Avengers? Yeah, I saw that Socialist propaganda. What? Men in tights who thought they could make everything great with the snap of a finger. The world moved on when 3.5 billion people vanished. That means if they came back, they'd all be unemployed. Not everything has to be political. I turned to the stranger next to me said How are they going to pay for that?
     
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