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Candorville

Comics about answers and answering.

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-24 answer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-24 Pub. Date: 2019-05-24
Image Number: 177720
Caption: Boss … Armstrong … I created a Trump Generator. You input questions, and it outputs random nouns and adverbs strung together with words like fantastic. I put it onling a few days ago, and already it's getting 500,000 visitors per day. I guess what I'm asking is, why do all Trump's answers all of a sudden end with Visit House of Jave Cafe. It's tremendous. It's run by a very smart man named Armstrong. I have no idea what you're talking aboutk. By the way, did you know Russian hackers are suprisingly cheap on Craigslist? Very bad man.!!!
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-22 answer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-22 Pub. Date: 2019-05-22
Image Number: 177718
Caption: Did you read that new interview with Donald Trump? I did not. Well, it gave me a brilliant idea. I stayed up for a week perfecting it. It's a Trump Generator for interviews. You ask it questions, and it gives you answers that are completely nonsensical gibberish punctuated by words like tremendous. That's going to save the media a lot of time. It's at bigly-answers-for-stupid-fake-questions-dot-com.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-15 answer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-15 Pub. Date: 2019-04-15
Image Number: 177220
Caption: You just heard her say you're all business. Do you have anything to say about that? That depends. Do I actually have to answer for this to be tax deductible? PhD. M.A. Couple's therapy.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-14 answer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-14 Pub. Date: 2019-04-14
Image Number: 177112
Caption: I'm only 5,000 donors short. What? What're you talking about, Clyde? Did you know the Democratic party changed they debate rules, bruh? All a brother need is to be at 1% in the polls, have 65,000 unique donors, an' 200 unique donors per state from at least 20 states. An' did you know there ain't no law at all against changin' your legal name to Bernie Sanderz and settin' up a donate to Bernie Sanderz website? Also, ain't no law against sayin' Buy my new album on iTunes in answer to ever debate question. I've got a strange feeling of deja vu about this. Don't worry. I'm sure I won't actually win.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-27 answer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-27 Pub. Date: 2018-12-27
Image Number: 175587
Caption: Sometimes being a journalist is really frustrating, Clyde. Take this Facebook story … My sources told me they were letting companies like Netflix and Spotify read, write and delete people's private messages. I asked all three companies if it was true, and all three weaseled out of answering. It's just like when I ask friends if they're ready to repay the $2 I loaned them, and ... Clyde?
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-06 answer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-06 Pub. Date: 2018-11-06
Image Number: 174821
Caption: Neither party does anything for me. Why should I vote? C-Dog's incredibly bad advice 50¢. The answer simple, bruh: You shouldn't. Your vote is your voice. 'Least it the only voice a politician listen to. Best way to get a politician to listen to you is to now say anything.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-21 answer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-21 Pub. Date: 2018-10-21
Image Number: 174386
Caption: Ask Sadie. Our resident 90-something-year-old radio pundit Sadie Cohen answers actual reader questions. AS away at asksadieshow@gmail.com (if you're sure you want the answer). Dear Sadie, I have to give a speech. When I stand up in front of people to talk, my palms get sweaty, my stomach hurts, and I suddenly have to use the bathroom, even I didn't eat anything. any advice? - Shy in Scottsdale. Excellent question. It reminds me of the very first time I was supposed to give a big speech. It as May 6, 1937 ... As head of the Ladies Auxiliary of Manchester Township's Dirigible Fan Club, I was to give a rousing welcome to an incoming blimp. As the German airship drifted gently overhead, I picked up the microphone, and ... By the ay, you know what people don't tell you? They don't tell you that it could create a spark when you accidentally whack a microphone on a mental box full of fireworks. I was by no means relieved about not having to give a speech that day. That would be wrong. And it was by no means intentional ... not provably so, anyway. Anyway, what were you asking about, again? How quickly to establish an alibi? Um ... that's ok. I've gotta go. Asksadieshow@gmail.com
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-29 answer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-29 Pub. Date: 2018-08-29
Image Number: 173790
Caption: Something was wrong with the refugee in the President's baby jail Hola? Minutes passed. He didn't answer any of my questions. Hours passed. I don't remember seeing him so much as blink. They'd injected him with psychotropic drugs to shut him up. Dio mio! I know. I'd been hoping he was just really, really shy.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-18 answer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-18 Pub. Date: 2018-07-18
Image Number: 172927
Caption: Lemont Brown. Journalist. I'd like to see the conditions inside the internment camp and I'd like to interview the refugees. No, no, no, and no. What? What? I only asked you for two things but you said no four times. You didn't ask if I'd confirm that we black out the windows so the world can't see us mistreating refugees? And you didn't ask if I could confirm that we've been secretly whisking them away in the dead of night to parts unknown? No ... is this all starting to weigh on your conscience? No ... and no.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-04 answer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-04 Pub. Date: 2018-07-04
Image Number: 172689
Caption: "What, to the American slave, is your fourth of July? I answer: A day that reveals to him, more than all other days in the year, the gross injustice and cruelty to which he is the constant victim. To him, your celebration is a sham; your boasted liberty, an unholy license; your national greatness, swelling vanity; your sounds of rejoicing are empty and heartless." - Frederick Douglass. "Where's my beer?" John Q. Public.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-14 answer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-14 Pub. Date: 2018-04-14
Image Number: 170414
Caption: Clyde, I've never asked you this before, but … do you own a gun? What? Ain't you seen what happened to that brotha Philando Castile? Shot for telling a cop he has a licensed gun and a permit. John Crawford III … Tamir Rice … the country don't think the second amendment apply to us, Big L ... they think the second amendment's to protect them from us. You didn't answer my question.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-03-31 answer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-03-31 Pub. Date: 2018-03-31
Image Number: 169890
Caption: Sure, there are probably aliens. But why would they want to come here? The answer's obvious. How many of us tune in to insipid reality shows like The Bachelor and Real Housewives? If there's on thing we should all be able to agree on, it's that world history's been a bit melodramatic. We can't be the only species enthralled by the eternal question: What the @#$% is going on over there?
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-16 answer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-16 Pub. Date: 2017-11-16
Image Number: 164873
Caption: Dick Fink, I want you to find out for me if there are any book tours happening in Djibouti. Can't, ma'am. I've recently converted to orthodox Buddhism. I can't use my phone or computer right now because obviously that would interfere with my 12-hour daily meditation. You wouldn't want to discriminate against an employee by forcing him to violate his religion would you? I've never heard of "orthodox" Buddhism. Maybe the answers you seek will come to me when I reach the sixth level of meditation.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-23 answer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-23 Pub. Date: 2017-10-23
Image Number: 164147
Caption: I read your blog post about that dad who didn't make his kid apologize for bullying your kid. I never understood the point of makin' a kid say words he don't mean. How that gonna help the situation? What you need to do is hire a bigger kid to pull that bully's drawers up over his head. Revenge is never the answer, Clyde. If he wake up an' find his teddy bear's head on the pillow next to him, he'd get the message.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-15 answer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-15 Pub. Date: 2017-10-15
Image Number: 163143
Caption: Hello, you've reached Lowe an' Sharke Lending Club. This is Ryan. How may I hinder you? I just got an ad from you in the mail saying I'm pre-qualified for an $80,000 low-interest loan, with no collateral needed. That's right. All I need is for you to answer a few brief questions so we can see if you qualify. What do you mean? You said I was already pre-qualified. Doesn't "pre-qualified" mean I've been qualified already. No. It means you haven't been qualified yet. What the -- By that definition, everyone in the whole world is "pre-qualified"! That's incorrect, sir. There are about 101 billion post-living people who wouldn't qualify.
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-04 answer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-04 Pub. Date: 2017-09-04
Image Number: 162342
Caption: Hello, momma. You've reached the home of Lemont Brown. I can't come to the phone right now because I let myself in, and I'm standing right behind you with a big bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates, all for you … unless I got stuck in traffic, in which case forget you heard this. Beep.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-03 answer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-03 Pub. Date: 2017-09-03
Image Number: 161589
Caption: If Democrats know what's good for them, they'll move further right. That's how they can win elections. All my conservative friends agree. And we tell that to every Democrat we see every chance we get. That's very considerate of you, to help out the opposition like that. Oh, I've always been considerate. When I was a small child, I used to let other kids copy my test answers before I changed them to the right ones. Wait ... what was that? What was what? You said you let kids copy your wrong answers before you changed them to the right answers. Did I? I don't think so. You did. It's exactly what you just said you did. If you know what's good for you, you'll just passively accept what others say without thinking too much about it. Let me guess: Your class was graded on a curve?
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-13 answer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-13 Pub. Date: 2017-08-13
Image Number: 160919
Caption: Hi momma … What do you mean you've been deported? … Yes, yes, I do know about your love for bean pie. What's that have to do with … Really? ICE raided Muhammad's Bean Pie Shack? … But why would they think you weren't a citizen? … So what if you didn't have ID! This is Ameri -- They did what? They asked you questions to make you prove you're a citizen? ... What questions? ... I see. Listen, momma, when armed goons handcuff you and demand that you tell them who the president it, I don't care what your politics are, you don't answer "Donald Duck." ... Yes, momma, I do see the similarities. But the time for political satire is before they come for you. Not during. Yes, I am flossing regular -- Momma, let me call a lawyer -- Yes, I know, but Cousin Pookie is a divorce attorney. No, it's not the same --
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-29 answer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-29 Pub. Date: 2017-07-29
Image Number: 160762
Caption: Hello, you've reached Concast Cable's reconnection department. To answer your question, yes, we can reconnect the tv service you canceled for an additional $85/month. What are you talking about? I didn't ask you any questions. And you called me. Yes, we can be there tomorrow between 8-5. You people are getting desperate. Do not lean on door.
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-06-28 answer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-06-28 Pub. Date: 2017-06-28
Image Number: 159710
Caption: Lemont's in Russia … President Putin asked that I answer all your journalist questions on his behalf. Get you to see we are not the boogeyman the American press has made us to be. If that fails, I am to poisoning you with rare gelsemium elefans death flower. Joking, joking, why you cannot take joke? Oh. Ok, then. Polonium-210 or throwing from balcony much more effective.
     
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