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Candorville

Comics about ancient and ancients.

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21. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-12-18 ancient 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-12-18 Pub. Date: 2012-12-18
Image Number: 91100
Caption: Mesoamerica, 3114 B.C. So you say you've come from the future in my dreams to warn me about the apocalypse … … So that I can write a story about it for the Ancient Maya Gazette, and prevent it from ever happening. That's thoughtful of you. Don’t mention it. Wait ... So you don't want me too warn people? What? What?
     
22. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-12-14 ancient 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-12-14 Pub. Date: 2012-12-14
Image Number: 90870
Caption: What do you mean "Am I sure I want to publish my memoir?" In this book, you found out your girlfriend's a vampire … Got abducted by drug-running demons in Mexico, accidentally released an ancient evil from the pyramid of the sun that ENDED THE WORLD … ... And your "One That Got Away" Facebooked you after 14 years. This kind of makes you look crazy. Not really; everyone knows all the "old flames" live on Facebook.
     
23. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-09-20 ancient 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-09-20 Pub. Date: 2012-09-20
Image Number: 87547
Caption: There's death in the air, Clyde. I wonder if this is what the British felt when their empire began to die. TIME. Tell me, might those poor beggars the Romans have felt this very way? Blimey! When the noble Babylonians didst descend, couldst they have suffered thusly? Dang. This stinks. (Originally published on 9/30/10).
     
24. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-07-21 ancient 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-07-21 Pub. Date: 2012-07-21
Image Number: 84249
Caption: How come you're so sure UFO's exist? Well … We've been seeing them forever. The first recorded instance I know of is Alexander the Great. He wrote two silver "flying shields" kept diving out of the sky, attacking his army. Did you get that from the internet? Of course not. Of course.
     
25. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-02-25 ancient 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-02-25 Pub. Date: 2012-02-25
Image Number: 76742
Caption: Have you ever thought that in the hundreds and thousands of years man has been here … We've only heard the best singers of the last 100 or so? For all we know, there was an ancient Mesopotamian donkey-herder whose voice could make the angels weep. But we'll never, ever hear her because time screwed her out of a recording contract. I don't think they "herded" donkeys. No, I googled it. Donkeys were all ever ancient Mesopotamia.
     
26. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-07-15 ancient 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-07-15 Pub. Date: 2011-07-15
Image Number: 63191
Caption: How exactly did you "unleash an ancient evil that'll end the world"? That's a whole 'nother story. I'll tell you later. I don't get that. Why do people start something if they're not going to follow through? Either commit, or don’t waste my time. ... Guy troubles? I'll tell you later.
     
27. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-07-14 ancient 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-07-14 Pub. Date: 2011-07-14
Image Number: 63190
Caption: You're gonna have to testify. Ok. That eyewitness testimony was really damaging. It made you look nuts. Like when he said you claimed you unleashed an ancient evil that'll end the world. You have to testify that it was just a euphemism for passing gas or something. I SAID I'm sorry already.
     
28. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-07-01 ancient 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-07-01 Pub. Date: 2011-07-01
Image Number: 62675
Caption: The power of suggestion is insidious. For months, we've been dealing with your delusion about your ex being an ancient, evil vampire. A couple of nights ago, I actually dreamt it was all true … … and that she was holding me prisoner in her dungeon. Can we deal with my delusion that you charge me $100 an hour to talk about ME and not YOU?
     
29. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-05-30 ancient 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-05-30 Pub. Date: 2011-05-30
Image Number: 61584
Caption: The judge denied our request for a DNA test, so there's no way to prove Lionel is your son. What? Why?! Roxanne claimed it violated her religion. She says she's a Teteoinnan … … and that their ancient Aztec scriptures dictate only the MOTHER GODDESS can examine our DNA under electron microscopes. People are always reading scripture however the #$%* they want to.
     
30. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-05-03 ancient 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-05-03 Pub. Date: 2011-05-03
Image Number: 60508
Caption: The court trusts that counsel hath recovered from the chicken pox? I hath, your honor. "Hath"? Little known fact: I created - I mean, HAD - the chicken pox once, myself. So counsel has the court's sympathies. HOW old did you say this judge is? It is - I mean, in simpler times it was BELIEVED to be - a curse inflicted on disobedient children through the clever use of sophisticated black magic ... Ancient. Like you but even worse. ... And of course, chickens.
     
31. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-03-06 ancient 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-03-06 Pub. Date: 2011-03-06
Image Number: 58098
Caption: Y'know what dawg? I'm tired of people talking spit about Obama's negotiating skills. They don't see the big picture. What big picture is that? He doesn't seem to believe in bartering. The ancient art of demanding more than you want, letting the other guy get outraged about it, and then settling for what you really wanted. Obama offers all his compromises before the other side even really asks for them. Like last month, we proposed slashing a program that helps poor people stay warm in the winter. Yeh, but think of what that'll do for the fur coat and graveyard sectors. I don't think "big picture" means what you think it means. He gonna have the undertaker vote lined up in 2010.
     
32. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-01-27 ancient 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-01-27 Pub. Date: 2011-01-27
Image Number: 56622
Caption: You're doubling my antipsychotic dosage? It's for your own good, Lemont. It won't help your custody dispute if you stand up in court … … and say you believe your ex is an evil, 400-year-old vampire who's using you and your son to fulfill an ancient prophecy and rule the world. What if I say it more ... diplomatically? Fascinating.
     
33. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-12-03 ancient 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-12-03 Pub. Date: 2010-12-03
Image Number: 54754
Caption: People are adapting to the whole "total economic catastrophe" thing. … After a while, an empire's citizenry adapts to its decline. Take Rome, for instance: after a while, the news scrolls even had critics who'd rate every new barbarian incursion. Fear, Inc. Tacitus, do you have to ALWAYS compare everything to ancient Rome? This is why I don't like talking to you old-timers. The Great Eberticus gave the Visigoth Invasion two thumbs down.
     
34. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-11-11 ancient 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-11-11 Pub. Date: 2010-11-11
Image Number: 53959
Caption: Doc, I don't think the medicine you gave me is working. My … visions … are returning. I keep imagining Roxanne is an evil vampire who used me to father a child, in order to fulfill an ancient prophecy, become a daywalker, and conquer the world. And I keep imagining some guy named Saxon Kenchu is her half-human, half-vampire son who tried to help me defeat her but ended up suffering a fate worse than death. I warned you the Flintstones antipsychotic chewables might not work. BUT I CAN'T SWALLOW PILLS!
     
35. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-07-30 ancient 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-07-30 Pub. Date: 2010-07-30
Image Number: 50003
Caption: To be honest, when Lemont described you as a crazy, evil, 300-year-old vampire … … who used him to father a mystical child whom an ancient prophecy said would grant you the power to enslave humanity … … I thought he was a little nuts. … Is there a "but" coming? Not really.
     
36. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-01-25 ancient 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-01-25 Pub. Date: 2010-01-25
Image Number: 43361
Caption: Pyramid of the Sun, Tenochtitlan, Mexico … I can't believe what just happened! Poor Saxon! We all make mistakes. One time, a friend gave me a book to return to the library, and I forgot. I just let loose an ancient evil entity that's eventually going to extinguish all intelligent life one earth. Ok, you win. Isn't that some consolation? NOOO well, yes, actually ...
     
37. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-12-23 ancient 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-12-23 Pub. Date: 2009-12-23
Image Number: 42234
Caption: "If you buy me a couple tacos, I'll tell you the real story, not the bogus 'Drug War' cover story. After that. "That's the true reason for all the killings." Before that. "La Lloraona, El Chupacabra and Bigfoot have invaded Juarez. They're stealing men's souls and turning the now-empty husks into vicious killers." There. THAT'S why I want my taco back. They're foot-soldiers for an ancient ... Pass the salt.
     
38. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-11-13 ancient 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-11-13 Pub. Date: 2009-11-13
Image Number: 40743
Caption: How in the heck did you domesticate these killer wolves? I spent a semester abroad in the '80s. I climbed Mount Kilimanjaro where a guru taught me the ancient art of wolf hypnotism. That's AMAZING. Not really. When you think about it, everytime the man domesticates an animal, there's hypnotism involved. No, I meant I thought you were much older than that. You were in college in the '80s?!
     
39. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-10-28 ancient 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-10-28 Pub. Date: 2009-10-28
Image Number: 40266
Caption: 9:47 P.M. This is the moment I traveled 60 years into the past to stop. The moment I called YOU here to change. Younger me is stranded in Mexico, and about to call Susan for help. She's not here. But for some reason the call doesn't even go to voice mail. On his own, younger me stumbles around Mexico and mistakenly unleashes an ancient evil upon the world. But this time it'll be different. This time YOU WILL ANSWER SUSAN'S PHONE. In 3 ... 2 ... 1 ... You mean THIS phone? You can have it for $2.
     
40. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-03-18 ancient 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-03-18 Pub. Date: 2009-03-18
Image Number: 30975
Caption: I know what you and Roxanne are up to behind my back, Saxon. It's obvious. You grew up together. I see how you look at each other. You think you're my son's real father. And now to break us up, you're telling me Roxanne's an evil vampire who had your kid to fulfill an ancient prophecy that'll make her ruler of the world. It's the oldest trick in the book.
     
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