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261.  
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-02-06 Pub. Date: 2010-02-06
Image Number: 43633
Caption: One second after the big bang, the universe had expanded … … And had already created the building blocks of the stars. Yet it takes me five minutes to make a tuna sandwich. Dios mio, Lemont. Let's face it: I'm a slacker, Susan.
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For Newspapers: Washington Post Writers Group
     
262.  
Cartoonist(s): Jim Borgman
Jerry Scott
Comic/Cartoon: Zits
Viewable Date: 2010-01-26 Pub. Date: 2010-01-26
Image Number: 43375
Caption: Woo-hoo! Look at it snow! Whoa. Tobogganing? Build a snowman? Cross-country skiing? Make caramel corn? What should we do first? Well …? By "first" I assume you mean "after going back to bed for five hours or so."
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For Newspapers: King Features
     
263.  
Cartoonist(s): Jim Borgman
Jerry Scott
Comic/Cartoon: Zits
Viewable Date: 2010-01-22 Pub. Date: 2010-01-22
Image Number: 43164
Caption: Dad, could I get some manly advice. Sure. Do you think I'd get a closer shave with a triple, quad or quintuple blade razor? Quintuple. Five hairs, five blades. Tell Mom I'm out of shaving cream again.
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For Newspapers: King Features
     
264.  
Cartoonist(s): Kieran Meehan
Comic/Cartoon: Pros & Cons
Viewable Date: 2010-01-18 Pub. Date: 2010-01-18
Image Number: 43191
Caption: You shall go to prison for a minimum of five years. Oh, well … It could have been worse. For each offense. Told you.
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For Newspapers: King Features
     
265.  
Cartoonist(s): Bruce Tinsley
Comic/Cartoon: Mallard Fillmore
Viewable Date: 2010-01-08 Pub. Date: 2010-01-08
Image Number: 42687
Caption: A new study finds that global warming misinformation could be significantly reduced … Dr. Maslowski says the north polar ice cap could be all melted in five to seven years!* *Dr. Maskowski denies this … Bu cutting back on Al Gore's CO2 emissions by just 12 percent over the next four years ...
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For Newspapers: King Features
     
266.  
Cartoonist(s): Jim Toomey
Comic/Cartoon: Sherman's Lagoon
Viewable Date: 2010-01-06 Pub. Date: 2010-01-06
Image Number: 42624
Caption: At the stroke of midnight, Kahuna's magic spell wears off and we change from humans back into fish. Five . . . Four . . . Three . . . Two . . . One . . . Poof! Poof! The transformation is complete. Almost. You seem to have retained your hairy belly button. Kahuna!
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For Newspapers: King Features
     
267.  
Cartoonist(s): Greg Evans
Comic/Cartoon: Luann
Viewable Date: 2010-01-03 Pub. Date: 2010-01-03
Image Number: 42283
Caption: Ok, here are my New Year's resolutions. Shee. Here we go again. One: Exercise more. You've had that on every list. Two: Eat healthy. That one too. Three: Be less selfish. You've said that since 1998. Four: Do better in school. Had that on last year's list. And five: be more efficient with my time. Well, you already blew that one. You shoulda just written "see previous lists."
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For Newspapers: Universal Press
     
268.  
Cartoonist(s): Kieran Meehan
Comic/Cartoon: Pros & Cons
Viewable Date: 2009-12-26 Pub. Date: 2009-12-26
Image Number: 42304
Caption: A maximum of five years in a minimum security prison, Ms. Jaggers. No deal. A minimum of 5 years in a maximum security prison. Let's compromise. A minimum security prison for a maximum of 5 years. That's more like it. Move! Move! Hang on …
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For Newspapers: King Features
     
269.  
Cartoonist(s): Hilary Price
Comic/Cartoon: Rhymes with Orange
Viewable Date: 2009-12-22 Pub. Date: 2009-12-22
Image Number: 42286
Caption: The traditions. Fiiiive gooold rings! Few appreciated the Snowbird Carolers.
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For Newspapers: King Features
     
270.  
Cartoonist(s): Bob Thaves
Tom Thaves
Comic/Cartoon: Frank and Ernest
Viewable Date: 2009-12-20 Pub. Date: 2009-12-20
Image Number: 42197
Caption: Santa's Workshop. Five days before Christmas and we're way behind schedule! Take the sleigh and get more help. I know just the place. Super Store. Burger Helper. Tuna Helper. Hi, I'm a Santa Helper!
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For Newspapers: Universal Press
     
271.  
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-12-14 Pub. Date: 2009-12-14
Image Number: 41945
Caption: Hello, you've reached the home of Susan Garcia. You know what to do. Beep. Hi Susan, it's Tiger. Listen, my wife found your number on my cell and she … uh … might be calling you. And the girl who claims to be my mistress found your number too. And the other girl. And the other one. Number four didn't find your number, but she found your picture and might be out looking for you. Number five found your number. Number six may have ... beep. Time allotted for message has been exceeded.
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For Newspapers: Washington Post Writers Group
     
272.  
Cartoonist(s): Greg Evans
Comic/Cartoon: Luann
Viewable Date: 2009-12-11 Pub. Date: 2009-12-11
Image Number: 41682
Caption: Quill. Hey, Tiffany. Listen, a group of us is going caroling to spread Christmas joy. I'd like you to come. I'll pick you up at five, 'k? Luann invited me. It's the same group, right? Cuz you two are pals? Pals. Right. Same. I can see the joy spreading already ...
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For Newspapers: Universal Press
     
273.  
Cartoonist(s): Bob Thaves
Tom Thaves
Comic/Cartoon: Frank and Ernest
Viewable Date: 2009-12-07 Pub. Date: 2009-12-07
Image Number: 41840
Caption: NASA. Donuts. Go ahead and eat it, Ernie --- The 5-second rule doesn't apply in zero gravity!
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For Newspapers: Universal Press
     
274.  
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-11-28 Pub. Date: 2009-11-28
Image Number: 41225
Caption: … And we sent y … The fir … notice days ago, so it's very impor … that you call. Call us back at five-five-five, s … gr … meh … f … oth … wise your … will be shut off.
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For Newspapers: Washington Post Writers Group
     
275.  
Cartoonist(s): Rick Kirkman
Jerry Scott
Comic/Cartoon: Baby Blues
Viewable Date: 2009-11-22 Pub. Date: 2009-11-22
Image Number: 40984
Caption: Zoe, did you put your shoes away? What do you mean? I mean, did you put your shoes away? Was I supposed to put my shoes away? YES! I asked you to do it five minutes ago! Are you sure? Yes I'm sure! You were sitting right there, and when I asked you to pick up your shoes, you looked directly at me and said, "Okay, Mom." Oh. And that made you think I was listening to you? Of all the time-outs I've seen, this is the time-outiest! *MFGLB!*
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For Newspapers: King Features
     
276.  
Cartoonist(s): Jim Borgman
Jerry Scott
Comic/Cartoon: Zits
Viewable Date: 2009-11-15 Pub. Date: 2009-11-15
Image Number: 40758
Caption: 5 questions to always answer with a "yes". A Zits guide to a more peaceful teenage experience. Are you listening to me? Is there going to be an adult supervision? Are you going to clean that up? Have I made myself clear? Will you call me when you get there?
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For Newspapers: King Features
     
277.  
Cartoonist(s): Hilary Price
Comic/Cartoon: Rhymes with Orange
Viewable Date: 2009-11-10 Pub. Date: 2009-11-10
Image Number: 40732
Caption: The trend. Why is I that anyone who takes more than five days off work feels they should write a memoir about it? Open. Books.
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For Newspapers: King Features
     
278.  
Cartoonist(s): Chris Browne
Comic/Cartoon: Hagar The Horrible
Viewable Date: 2009-11-08 Pub. Date: 2009-11-08
Image Number: 40230
Caption: There's one thing I look forward to slightly more than going to the dentist … And that's going to the doctor … Dr. Zook. I'd like to see Dr. Zook … Why do you wish to see him? I feel tired and run-down … How much sleep do you get? About five hours a night ... That's not enough! Try going to bed earlier! And don't drink before dinner! And avoid stress!! Also, eat a balanced diet and get plenty of exercise!! Shouldn't the doctor be giving me this advice> No ... Due to the large number of new patients, the doctor had to lighten his workload ... Please see the secretary at the next desk to pay your bill.
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For Newspapers: King Features
     
279.  
Cartoonist(s): Jim Toomey
Comic/Cartoon: Sherman's Lagoon
Viewable Date: 2009-11-01 Pub. Date: 2009-11-01
Image Number: 40192
Caption: I'm pretty proud of myself. I finally bought one of those fancy phones last week. Should've waited. Their new model came out yesterday. Twice the megapixels for half the price. That phone is so yesterday. The one I got this morning blows it away. Ten times the megapixels. You all missed the boat. They came out with completely new technology five minutes ago. Megapixels are out. Gigapixels are in. This is all leaving me feeling very inadequate. I need a new phone. Me too. I just wish somebody would call. Can't help you there.
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For Newspapers: King Features
     
280.  
Cartoonist(s): J.C. Duffy
Comic/Cartoon: Fusco Brothers
Viewable Date: 2009-10-31 Pub. Date: 2009-10-31
Image Number: 39855
Caption: You have five new rejections and 247 saved rejections. Nobody likes a smart-aleck answering machine.
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For Newspapers: Universal Press
     
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